No Need for Gundam Wing II
by Elly And The Gundam Wing Fan
Summary: More romance, humor, and excitement than the first! No need to read the original to enjoy this! What happens when the Gundam Wing pilots are transported to the Tenchi Universe? Chapter 13 is up!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Oh my god, we're _back_!  Well we must be, because Elly's typing a new disclaimer, right?  Oh yeah, the disclaimer: We don't own Gundam Wing or Tenchi Muyo.  I know you're probably all shocked, but we don't.

No Need For Gundam Wing! 

II

(And for the record, there's really no need to read the first part to enjoy this.)

            "Please Marie.  I'm asking you before I get the surgery and more then likely die, to marry me!"  

            "Oh Rocko, I just don't know.  What, with my mother sick in the hospital and my aunt going to jail, my father murdered, and just finding out that I have a twin sister…I just don't know if I can handle it."

            "Marie, I know that is not the only reason you don't want to marry me.  Your nose always twitches when you are lying.  What is the real reason, Marie?  Tell me!"

            "Rocko…I am pregnant!"

            "No!!"

            "But that is not all.  I have a dark secret, Rocko.  And…I…I just…"

            "Tell me Marie.  Tell me before these drugs sink in and I fall into a deep sleep so that I can go to surgery and possibly never wake up to know the answer.  Tell me.

            "Rocko…I am not just a woman…I am…

            _Click!_

            "I will survive!!!"  Heero shouted as Wing Zero took aim and destroyed MO2.

            "Now I get it!  Heero's the center of the universe!"  Quatre said merrily.

            "Mihoshi!!!" A unison of voices boomed over the television.

"It was just getting to the good part!  Why did you do that!?"  Ryoko demanded.

"But Gundam Wing is on.  You always used to like to watch it with me."  Mihoshi shrugged, tilting the remote control.

"Mihoshi,"  Ayeka intoned flatly.  "Gundam Wing has already re-runned about four times now.  Even though we…_enjoy seeing our friends the Gundam Pilots on the television, it gets rather boring after you see it too much."_

"But you always used to love the show.  Especially, you used to love Heero."  The blonde responded innocently.

Ayeka blushed but managed to keep a calm voice.  "It is fortunate I did watch the show because now I can see what kind of a person Heero really is."  Ayeka glanced at the television screen as a close up of Heero came on. "And he is not the sort of man a princess should take any interest in.  Besides, you know how he feels about us."

"I thought that was just Wufei."  Sasami said giggling.  "He was always so grumpy.  It was kinda funny.  What about you Ryoko?  Do you still like Trowa?"

Ryoko looked up from a screenshot of Trowa.  "I never knew he was a circus clown.  No wonder he's so freakin' quiet.  What a jerk."

"I still think they would have made excellent study subjects.  How could five teens get so stupid?  Oh wait!  Never mind."  The estranged scientist laughed to herself.  "I could have at least taught them a thing or two before we left.  They would never be the same again."  Washu continued laughing.

"Well I still like Quatre, and…" Mihoshi was interrupted by an announcement on the television.

"This will be our last episode of Gundam Wing.  Starting next week…Potatoes, the friendly food."

There was a momentary silence among the group.

"They're…being taken off the air?"  Mihoshi said slowly.

"I guess so…" Ayeka looked at the television, which seemed rather lifeless now.

"They're…being taken off the air?"

"Well…I guess I can't yell at Trowa on the television any more."  Ryoko floated away, probably looking for Tenchi.

"They're…being taken off the air?"

"Maybe it's better this way.  This way, nobody will have to remember any potentially embarrassing details of when we met."  Ayeka stood up and walked away, also probably in search of Tenchi.

"They're…being taken off the air?"

"I better get dinner started!"  Sasami ran to the kitchen.

"They're…being taken off the air?"

"Well so much for that show.  Maybe it would have done better if it had more episodes."  Washu looked rather amused.

"They're…" Mihoshi's eyes grew large.  "They're being taken off the air!!!"  She lunged and hugged Washu who began turning pale blue.

"Mi…ho...shi…can't…breath…"

Mihoshi let her go in favor of clasping her hands together.  "But they can't be taken off.  What will I watch now?"

"Is it really that bad?"

"What if they're having great adventures now and we don't get to see them?"

"Hmm…that would be rather interesting.  I could study them better.  But they're already cancelled…" The little scientist paused and then smiled evilly.  "At least…they _were_ taken off the air.  But not after I get through with them."  Washu ran off into her lab to find the pilots' exact coordinates.  "I certainly hope I don't take them straight out of one of their spectacular adventures."

"So bored…" Duo sat on Quatre's couch slowly flipping through the channels.  His mouth hung open slightly and there was a small amount of drool hanging off his lips.  "So bored…nothing on…So bored…" Nothing interesting was happening today. The war was over, Duo was trying to watch television, Trowa and Wufei were engaged in an exciting chess match, Heero was cleaning his gun, and Quatre was managing his checkbook.

"So bored…hey…whadda you wanna do?"  Quatre sat down his checkbook.

"I don't know.  What do you wanna do?"  Heero ignored the question.  Trowa was silent.  Wufei frowned.

"I dunno.  Whadda you wanna do?"  Duo repeated, his eyes still focused on the television.  Quatre sighed.  There was very little to do since he had finished most of the colony repairs ahead of schedule.  Way ahead of schedule.

"So bored…so bored…so BORED!!!"  Duo leaped up on the coffee table.  "I'm going out of my mind!  Isn't there anything we can do?  Anywhere we can go?"

"Maybe you should try wishing for somewhere to go."  Wufei said rather grumpily, moving his knight in front of Trowa's queen.  "Check."

"Wish?  Would that really work?"  Trowa was forced to take Wufei's knight.

"It would at least give you something to do.  And a reason to shut up."  Heero practiced pointing the gun.  It was very shiny.

"Check."  Wufei moved his bishop and took Trowa's queen.

"Hmm…" Trowa frowned.

"Well…alright.  But I don't see how it would help."  Duo got down on his knee and clasped his hands in front of him.  Trowa moved his rook to protect his king.  "Oh I wish…I wish…I wish I could get away from it all."  Duo spread his hands out wide, gave the biggest smile he could muster and somehow made his eyes extremely shiny.

"And I thought Duo couldn't look any stupider."  Wufei advanced his queen with a smile.  "Sorry Trowa but it looks like I…" Before he could finish there was a sudden flash as all the lights blinked on and off.  Heero stood up and pointed his gun in all directions.

"Are we under attack?"

"Uh…dude!"  Duo motioned toward the ceiling.  The Gundam Pilots looked up.  There was a large purple vortex on the ceiling.  In mere seconds, the five pilots found themselves being lifted up into the air and into the vortex.  All Duo could remember was lot's of purple and then…

"Oof!"  The pilots found themselves a heap on the ground; only it was not the same place as before.

"Hey.  I think it worked."  Duo looked around happily.

"Ah!  Nice of you all to join me."  There was sudden shock as Washu appeared before the astonished youths.

"You ah…wouldn't have happened to…ah…have wished for somewhere to go too did ya?"  Duo looked hopeful.

"Sorry Duo, but I brought you all here to our dimension in order to give you a lesson."  There was utter silence.  "Come this way please.  I'm sure Tenchi and the other's would be glad to know you popped by to say hello before we start."  Washu left with an eerie smile on her face.

"This is not what I had in mind when I said I wanted something to do."  Duo kicked the ground, put his hands in his pockets and slowly followed.

"Here we go again."  Heero said grumpily and complied to follow.

"Maybe I should self detonate first."  Trowa reluctantly followed.

"Well I said I would come visit some time, and maybe this won't be so bad."  Quatre exited, leaving Wufei behind.  He was still holding his queen in his hands.

"Checkmate."  He said, throwing the queen into the corner and following behind the others.

            Washu tapped a chalkboard with a long pointy stick thoughtfully.  She took a moment to adjust her glasses, and to straighten the schoolteacher skirt she was wearing then turned to her 'students,' a shrewd expression plastered on her face.

            The five pilots were slumping behind their desks, glancing around hopefully for an escape route.  Washu's inter-dimensional rooms were escape proof, it seemed.

            "We will now take roll." The scientist grasped the pointy stick with both her hands.

            Wufei rolled his eyes.  "Why?  There's only five of us, and we're _clearly_ all here!"

            WHAP!  The pointy stick descended onto unsuspecting Wufei's wrist painfully.  The other four 'students' grimaced.

            "I won't be taking any of that insubordination from you!" Washu said.  "Or it's detention, and a little chat with the principal."

            "What principal?" Quatre paled.

            "Why… me of course." She answered, gently tapping one end of the stick on her palm.  "But I won't be _nearly_ so kind as a principal compared to myself as a sweet, compassionate, little schoolteacher!"

            Wufei rubbed his wrist, exasperated.  "Sweet and compassionate?"

            WHAP!  "That's 'Little Schoolteacher,' you hoodlum!  Now straighten your spines, slackers, we're taking roll!"

            The lesson had been learned (at Wufei's expense).  They tried to look more scholarly and interested.

            "Yuy?"

            "Here," Heero grumbled.  In other academic experiences, he had been able to just transfer himself to a new school whenever he wanted, or alter his grades by hacking into the central system.  This classroom was claustrophobic, inescapable, and generally uncomfortable.  A startled realization came to mind: this must be what your average student feels like!

            "Winner?"

            "Here." Quatre materialized an expensive looking folder and prepared to take notes.  The others glared at him.

            "Maxwell?"

            Dead silence.  Everybody turned to witness Duo sleeping face down on his desk.

            "Maxwell?!" Washu stamped her foot in irritation.  "How could you fall asleep, already?  Class hasn't been in session two minutes!"

            WHAP!  "Ow!" Duo started.  "Here!  Geez, warn me next time."

            "Look out." WHAP!  "Warning enough for you?"

            Duo ignored the small injuries and began to secretly construct a paper airplane.  School would not get the best of him!

            "Wufei… or is it Chang?" The 'Little Schoolteacher' scratched her head.  "Which is your last name?"

            "I keep that a secret to confuse people.  I don't think Treize ever figured it out… should have seen the look on his face." Wufei smirked.  "Here."

            She considered WHAPPING him, but decided it wasn't worth it.  "Barton?"

            Another dead silence.  Everybody turned to see Trowa, not asleep, staring at the pointy stick fearlessly.

            "Barton?!  What is this crap?  Only three-fifths of you pathetic lot knows how to do a roll properly.  What's the matter with you?"

            "Just say, 'here'." Quatre attempted to be helpful.

            WHAP!  "No speaking out of turn!  Now on with the roll.  Barton?"

            "…"

            WHAP!  "Is this the silent treatment you're so famous for, or what?" Washu prepared the stick.

            "No.  But that's not my name." Trowa looked a little shocked at the WHAP he had received but kept a straight face.

            "Argh!  Fine then, what _is_ it?"

            "I don't know."

            "That's it.  You have detention after class, and I'm marking you down as 'here' whether you like it or not.  Now let's begin today's lesson!"

            Quatre lifted a pencil, prepared to take notes.  Duo launched the paper airplane at the astute pupil, laughing when it got stuck in his blond hair.

            WHAP!  "Knock it off, Maxwell.  This is your only warning."

            WHAP!  "Hey!" Quatre looked hurt.  "Why did you WHAP _me_?"

            "Get that airplane off your head.  Now today's subject is: how to make a TV show successful, get good ratings, and run longer than forty-nine episodes.  I think you all better pay attention here." She began scrawling some numbers onto the chalkboard.  "Rule number one: monsters can be your friends!  Don't kill off a threatening beast unless you _know_ there's another one handy that can show up in a few episodes."

            Heero's hand shot up.

            "Question?" Washu folded her arms.

            "What if your universe doesn't _have_ monsters?" The perfect soldier glanced at everybody else's sore wrists and found himself hoping that wasn't a stupid question.

            "Rule number one _also_ applies to main villains.  Don't kill them off until you're absolutely without any other option to further the plot."

            WHAP!  "Ouch!  Stop hitting me, woman!  I didn't do anything." Wufei snarled.

            "Yes you _did_!  You broke rule number one." Washu shook her head, a sour expression playing on her features, but it was obvious she was enjoying herself.  "Do _not_ kill main villains so capriciously in the future."

            "That was a matter of _pride_!" The pilot looked increasingly angrier.

            WHAP!  "So was that, but I didn't _kill_ you, did I?" She began writing noisily on the board again.  "Rule number two: angst-ridden pasts are a good thing!" She scanned her class.  "Eh… heh heh.  I think you've got rule number two down.  On to rule number three!"

            "Wait!  You're going too fast!" Quatre was desperately trying to scribble some notes into his notebook.  WHAP!  He realized his mistake all too late.

            "Rule number three is very important, and you can remember it by its acronym: it's the three R's rule.  RRR."

            "Rest, relaxation, and…" Duo considered a few R words.  "Reptiles?"  WHAP!

            "Don't be stupid!  Romance Raises Ratings."

            They all groaned.

            "Note to self." Washu smacked a hand to her forehead.  "Get a five-sided stick so I can WHAP everybody at once." She turned her attention back to the horrified students.  "This is very important!  No wonder your show got cancelled."

            "I hope I don't get WHAPPED for saying this," Trowa began cautiously.  "But there's really no room for romance in Gundam Wing."

            "Yeah, that's not what it's about." Quatre agreed.

            "You're wrong.  _Everything_ revolves around romance." She was answered by a quintuplet of confused faces.  "I think you need some practice on rule number three.  Mihoshi, get in here!"

            On cue, Mihoshi entered through a previously unseen portal.  She smiled happily, waving at the pilots.

            "_This_," Washu gestured.  "Is a 'girl'."

            "Well, _duh_!" Duo tried to block the incoming WHAP, but WHAPS are all-powerful.  "Ow…"

            "Notice her curves and smooth features?" Washu continued.  "These are tell-tale features of 'girls.'  Any questions so far?"

            "Zechs is a _girl_?!" Trowa looked mortified.  WHAP!

            "No!" Washu buried her face in her hands.  "This is _hopeless_!  Let's just get straight to some hands-on experiments."

            Mihoshi blanched.  "Uh… Washu, I didn't sign up for _that_!"

            "_That_ is not what I _meant_!"

            "I'm not that kind of girl!" Mihoshi looked embarrassed.

            "Good, because this is not that kind of class!" Washu growled.  "Now class, pretend this is a girl from your universe.  What do you say to her, Trowa?"

            Trowa contemplated this deeply, eyeing Mihoshi up and down.  "As little as possible?"

            "I'm not going to WHAP you because I should have expected that.  _Wrong_ answer!  How about you, Heero?  What would you say to a cute girl like this?"

            "I will kill you." Heero pointed at the cute girl in question threateningly.  "I will _destroy_ you!"

            "Well gee, that's _so_ romantic… but it's WRONG!" The teacher began to fume.  "Does anybody in this class know how to treat a woman?  Speak up."

            Wufei took the bait.  "Women are weak." WHAP!  "All they care about are frilly, stupid things."  WHAP!  "They're just not worth my time."  WHAP!

            "Anybody in here with_out_ the chauvinist attitude?" Washu glared at the classroom.  The stick shook furiously.  "Pretend for a minute that you actually _like_ this girl.  What… do… you… say?!"

            "Your place or mine?" Duo cringed.

            "_Washu_!!" Mihoshi objected.  "I told you, none of _that_!"

            "That was uncalled for, Duo.  Here Mihoshi, get him back if it makes you feel better!" She handed the pointy stick to the blond girl.

            Mihoshi leaned over Deathscythe's pilot like a looming vulture.  She glanced between the offending flirt and the stick, pondering for a long time.

            "So are you going to WHAP me or what?" Duo folded his arms.

            "Oh!  Stop talking so _dirty_!" She started whipping him over the head continuously.  WHAP!  WHAP!  WHAP!  WHAP!  WHAP!  WHAP!

            Heero chuckled at the spectacle.  "Yeah Duo, nice girls don't like your forward attitudes towards WHAPPING." He stopped laughing and met Washu's eye.  "I'm not going to get WHAPPED for that, am I?"

            "Actually, you're not." The pink-haired genius brightened quite a bit.  "Because that's the first _sensitive_ comment any of you have made about woman all day… kinda.  Women don't like being looked upon as objects… that's what you're trying to say, right?"

            "Sure." Heero smirked at Duo, who was still fending Mihoshi off.  "I think the evidence is obvious."

            "Exactly." Mihoshi halted the severe beating and brushed her hair back into place.  "It hurts my feelings."

            "So we just have to respect woman." Quatre wrote as he spoke.  "That's easy enough.  Do we pass the class?"

            Washu leaned upon her desk, a trace of seduction in her movements.  "Pass the class?  Well, I think you've absorbed rules one and two well enough." She winked.  "But rule three isn't only about _respect_.  Let's hear the three R's again."

            The pilots glanced at each other and then complied, speaking in unison.  "Romance Raises Ratings."

            "Right.  And there's an awful lot about romance that can't be taught in a classroom.  Even by a genius like me.  That's where your final assignment comes in."

            "Dare we ask what that is?" Trowa ventured.

            Washu grinned mischievously.  "Mihoshi, you're excused."

Mishoshi was going to argue the point, but saw her friend's serious expression and left.

"Now about that assignment."  Washu continued.  "You are to woo one of the single young ladies living in this household.  If you succeed, you pass the class."

            "Wait a minute!" Wufei raged at this development.  "You can't make me do that.  I'd rather fail."

            "Well that's your choice, of course." The instructor studied her fingernails amorously.  "But only passing students will be returned to their own universe."

            Duo stuttered at that.  "W-what?  You can't use our _freedom_ as incentive!"

            "Duo, Duo, Duo… you accuse me as though you were speaking to a _reasonable_ person.  I _am_ a mad scientist and as such I'm prone to rather insane moments.  Now let's go over final assignment requirements."

            They all gulped with apprehension and began to copy what they saw written on the chalkboard into notebooks.

            The board read: "This class is automatically flunked if any of the 'targets' become aware that this is an assignment.  Failure also resulted should crazy escape be attempted (besides, you wouldn't get anywhere).  Requirements are as follows:

'Target' admits affectionate feelings for you without being coerced, threatened, or drunk in any way.  And they _mean_ it!"

            Duo finished copying the rules down and then turned to the 'Little Schoolteacher.'  "That's _it_?"

            She nodded.

            "So basically you want us to get them to say 'I love you'?" Quatre squinted at his messy notes.  "That doesn't sound so bad… in fact it sounds pretty simple."

            Washu shook her head, tilting her head to one side.  "You really underestimate women.  They're more of a challenge than you think.  Assignments are due in one week."

            "Wait…" Heero was stuffing his notes away.  "There's a problem with this."

            "What now?"

            "I'm assuming _you're_ not an eligible target?"

            She winked emphatically.  "Why Heero… I'm flattered.  But you're right, I'm not eligible.  Though if you get tired of chasing after the others, you can always come visit me in my laboratory… I stay up late."

            Heero ignored the aggressive flirtation.  "And Sasami is also disqualified due to age."

            "Hey, yeah!" Duo caught on.  "Then there's five of us, and only three of them!  That's not fair."

            "Survival of the fittest." Trowa frowned.  "Competition will only make us more efficient."

            "Easy for _you_ to be so calm." Duo crumpled his notes and tossed them at the spiky-haired pilot.  "Ryoko's already gone after you once!"

            "Once bitten, twice shy." Washu piped in.  "She was never exactly encouraged… and you forgot to figure Tenchi into the equation."

            "This is the worst class _ever_!" Wufei began pacing across the room.  "Even worse than History!"

            Quatre was despairing.  "Washu… aren't the odds stacked a bit _too_ much against us?  Couldn't we bring in one of the girls' friends or something?"

            "Or two?" Duo added.

            "Well actually…" Washu put a finger to her chin.  "I think Mihoshi knows somebody.  Class is dismissed."


	2. Chapter 2

            "_Hi_!" Mihoshi threw open the front door with youthful exuberance.  "Hi, hi, hi!"

            "Er, hello!" An attractive girl with long blue hair paced into Tenchi's home, clinging to her luggage desperately as Mihoshi pinned her with a friendly hug.

            "I haven't seen you _forever_!" The blond discontinued the embrace.  "I'm so glad you can stay with us for the week!"

            Washu winked at the pilots, obviously responsible for the good timing.

            "Well I'm glad, too!" The newcomer sighed as her luggage fell to the ground.  "I haven't exactly been able to make the rent lately… well in a long time, actually.  Not after I was fired from my detective position.  And now that I'm in between jobs…" She looked downcast.

            "Don't be sad!" Mihoshi encouraged her friend.  "Let me introduce you to all my wonderful friends!"

            Everybody was in the entryway, smiling warmly at the guest.  (_Fine_, the pilots were _just_ staring.)

            "You know Tenchi, Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, and Sasami!  These are heroes from another dimension, Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei!  Everybody, this is my old friend Kiyone!"

            "Heroes from another dimension?" Kiyone queried as she shook hands with each of the pilots.  "Should I even ask?"

            Ayeka smiled sarcastically.  "Probably not."

            "Come sit down, Kiyone!" Tenchi gestured towards the sitting room.  Everybody followed his direction, but there were now so many guests in the home that some had to find a seat on the floor.

            Washu began elbowing Quatre viciously.  It had only been a few hours since they had been dismissed from class.  "What are you guys waiting for?" She hissed.

            "Kiyone used to work together in the police force!" Mihoshi explained cheerfully.  "She's really hard working."

            "I wouldn't say that." Kiyone grimaced.  "I've just worked a _lot_.  Lots of odd jobs and almost-careers to try to pay the rent, you know?"

            "Odd jobs?" Duo repeated the familiar phrase.  "Me too!"

            "It's no fun, is it?  Anyway, I'm really happy to be spending time here."

            The conversation continued casually.  Sasami excused herself to go work on dinner.

            A few hours later, everybody was finishing a delicious meal.

            "I'd almost forgotten how well you cook, Sasami!" Quatre said politely.

            Sasami blushed gracefully, ignoring an outbreak of screaming between Ayeka and Ryoko.  "Thank you!"

            Wufei grumbled and continued eating a huge pile of rice.  "Stupid women."

            "Well it's been an _educational_ evening." Washu reminded her class blatantly.  "But I think it's time for us all to retire.  I've conjured up some quarters for all of our guests.  Follow me?"

            "Good night, everybody." Kiyone stood up.

            "This way." Washu beckoned.  "I took the liberty to create some inter-dimensional rooms for you.  Nobody has phobias about hyper space, do they?"

            "No, we're fine." Heero was just happy to be getting away from the chatty 'family.'

            "Good." Washu stopped in front of a wall and held up a mechanical controller.  She pressed some buttons and a perfectly average looking door appeared where there was just a blank hallway before.  "This is for you guys.  Sleep tight.  And don't forget about your eternal quest for _knowledge_!" She spat out the last word and cocked her head in Kiyone's direction.

            Trowa glared at them both and was the last to enter the room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

            "What was _that_ all about?  Eternal quest?" Kiyone looked nervously at the mad scientist.

            "Oh, they're die-hard scholars.  Want to see your room?"

            "Okay…"

            "Hm." Heero evaluated the room.  "She didn't go out of her way, did she?" The space was mostly barren, except for five plain beds lined up evenly across one wall.

            "Probably some plot to get us to pass that class." Wufei snorted and collapsed into one of the beds.  "Maybe she thinks sparse living quarters will drive us crazy?"

            "Or into plusher surroundings." Duo sat onto the next bed.  "The girls' rooms look pretty nice.  Should we see if they're feeling lonely tonight?"

            "Duo!" Quatre tossed a pillow at his friend, somewhat playfully.  "Didn't you pay attention in class?  Girls want to be respected.  You don't just walk into their rooms in the middle of the night and say…" He blushed.

            Trowa folded his arms behind his head, ignoring how uncomfortable the bed was.  "And say, 'lonely?  Want to WHAP'?" He completed the sentence blandly.

            "Want to WHAP, _please_." Heero corrected him, lobbing a pillow at his face.  "Now be quiet, Quatre's turning green."

            Actually, it was more of a fuchsia color.  "That's horrible!"

            "Oh come on, Quatre!" Duo flung the pillow back at him.  "It must have crossed your mind.  That's the nature of our final."

            "It didn't cross _my_ mind." Wufei said forcefully.  He rolled over and pretended to sleep.

            "Hm." Duo relaxed as best he could, but quickly realized that this was like sleeping on a rock.  A _pointy_ rock.  "Kiyone's pretty hot, isn't she?"

            Trowa kept the pillow Heero shot at him and tried to make the bed more tolerable with it.  "Is she your 'target,' Duo?"

            Quatre changed colors again.  "Does anybody else think this whole assignment contradicts the entire lesson we're supposed to be learning?"

            "What do you mean?" Heero tried to reclaim his pillow, but Trowa wouldn't let it go.

            "I mean, what's romantic about tricking some random girl into thinking we're interested in them?  That's cruel… not respectful at all."

            Wufei opened his eyes again.  "What choice do we have?  The rules are clear.  I hate this whole thing, but we have to get home."

            "That's right." Trowa finally gave up the pillow.  "We should just think of it as another battle… only the opponent has polished finger nails, and an appetite for poetry."

            "Opponent?" Quatre sighed and returned to his natural hue.  "That's even worse than calling them a target."

            "Well if you don't like it, then don't finish the assignment." Heero arranged the reclaimed pillow on his bed and tried it out.  "Because there's still one too many of us, and it won't hurt _our_ chances if you drop out."

            "Good going, Heero!" Duo reversed his head and feet, seeing if the bed would be more comfortable that way.

            "Shut up all of you, I'm trying to sleep!" Wufei growled.

            "You don't have to give up, Quatre." Trowa said.  "Actually, your odds are pretty good, considering that incident when Tenchi and the girls ended up in our dimension.  As a matter of fact, you probably could walk right into Mihoshi's room right now and say-"

            "Don't say it!" The blonde's complexion went rather blue.

            Duo jumped out of the bed and started fluffing the mattress energetically.  "If you can't even _say_ it, you're never getting home."

            "Yeah." Heero took his pillow and tried resting on the floor.  "You can't even _listen_ to it without imitating a vomiting rainbow."

            "I don't care.  _That_ has nothing to do with getting a girl to say 'I love you'."

            "Well we'll see." The fluffing hadn't improved the quality of Duo's bed in the least.  "See you in the morning."


	3. Chapter 3

~Day 2~

            Everybody was leaning over the breakfast table intently.  It would have been a typical morning at the Masaki residence if it weren't for all the company.

            "Please… stop pulling my arm!" Tenchi complained, pulling his arm away from Ayeka forcefully.

            "Tenchi doesn't want you slobbering all over him, Ayeka.  Now eat your food and shut up!" Ryoko insulted, grabbing Tenchi's other arm.

            "Ow!  Ryoko!" Tenchi released his arm again, and tried to turn to his untouched breakfast, but the fighting prevented any actual eating.

            "Why do you insult Tenchi by flirting at all?" Ayeka cackled.  "It's obvious he's too good for a _plain_ woman like you!  He deserves nothing less than… well… a _princess_!"

            Ryoko began charging up a blast of energy in her palms.  "Call _me_ plain, do you?  Why don't we try asking our guests what they think?  It's obvious to see who's the _real_ beauty here… isn't it?"

            Trowa sighed and reminded himself that getting home was at stake.  "Calm down, Ryoko.  You're the most beautiful, of course."

            Both Ryoko _and_ Ayeka stopped their fighting immediately to stare in disbelief.

            "Huh?" Ayeka bypassed defending her ultimate beauty in exchange for ultimate confusion.  "Are you just saying that to silence us?  Because that's really not-"

            "I mean it." Trowa insisted.  "Ryoko is captivating."

            "Wait a minute." Ryoko couldn't help but grin a little bit.  "You didn't seem to think so _last_ time we were together."

            He shrugged.

            "But I…" The pirate blinked profoundly.  "Well… thanks!  See, Ayeka?!"

            "Trowa!" Ayeka's eyes became misty.  "You're supposed to be indifferent!  And you have _rotten_ taste!"

            Heero rolled his eyes at the self absorbed princess but didn't feel he had a choice.  "Don't make the Princess upset." He threatened.  "It's plain to see she is more beautiful, anyway."

            The feuding girls allowed their mouths to hang open.  Tenchi took this as an opportunity to eat his food, and he did so exuberantly.

            "What's come over you?" Ayeka didn't trust this good fortune.  "You _definitely_ weren't… interested… when I… when I…"

            "When you threw yourself at him like a piece of street trash?" Ryoko supplied flatly.

            Ayeka reddened at that.  "_You're_ the street garbage!  I ought to-"

            Heero and Trowa couldn't help but smile at each other.  Even though they were getting positive attention, Ayeka and Ryoko argued just as violently.  Tenchi was still devouring his food like a starved man.

            "Well," Kiyone smiled good-naturedly.  "Who would have thought that Ayeka and Ryoko, the two most aggressive admirers in the galaxy, would have admirers of their own?  You should stop arguing, girls, and realize this golden opportunity!"

            Duo watched Kiyone speaking gracefully and decided this assignment wasn't as bad as he had thought at first.  'What a complete babe.' He thought.  'And she doesn't appear to have any psychotic tendencies like these other gals, and that's always a plus!'

            "How about _you_, Kiyone?" Duo spoke up.  "Any golden opportunities in your life?"

            She paused, surprised at the forward question, but beamed anyway.  "I dunno, maybe a few bronze ones.  It's hard to get to know people when you're changing jobs and homes every few weeks."

            Too good to be true.  "That's like me!  I never stay in the same place for very long!"

            Sasami began collecting empty dishes.  "My, everybody's getting along so well!  We should celebrate somehow."

            "We _are_ getting along strangely well…" Ayeka put a finger to her lower lip, a picture of innocence.  "I remember you all to be a bit… crankier."

            "I'm still cranky." Wufei said.

            "Aw Wufei, that's what makes you cute!" Mihoshi squeaked.

            "I've got it!" Sasami declared.  "We can all go to the karaoke bar!  Wouldn't that be fun?!"

            Heero was about to decline that invitation when he saw the approving look on Ayeka's face.  "I suppose… why not?"

            "Oh, that'd be wonderful!" Mihoshi turned her attention to Quatre and realized he hadn't said anything all morning.  Probably because there were so many people talking.

            "Alright." Ryoko smiled.

            "Great!  Let's clean up after breakfast and we'll go!" Sasami skipped to the sink.


	4. Chapter 4

            Washu had slipped a note to each of the pilots.  It read: Good going, this is your first date!

            Trowa crumpled up the note and surveyed the karaoke bar judgmentally.  He never understood the popularity of these places… seemed like an unnecessary opportunity to make a complete fool of yourself.  It was still early in the day, and not many would-be crooners were occupying the bar.  They basically had the place to themselves.

            "I got some drinks." Kiyone returned with a tray.  "I hope nobody is opposed to a little Sake before lunch?"

            Heero, Duo, Trowa, and Wufei pointed at Quatre with good humor.

            "I… I don't drink." Quatre didn't like bringing all the attention to himself.  "Sorry."

            Duo laughed.  "Quatre's too good for Sake, you see.  I'm not, though."

            Kiyone handed him a drink.  "Everybody else is fine with this, though?"

            No objections.

            "Good, because alcohol tends to make the whole karaoke experience less traumatizing.  A requirement, if you will."

            "Well…" Heero looked around.  "Is somebody going to sing, or what?"

            "Go ahead." Tenchi reclined into a comfortable chair.  "Go for it."

            The perfect soldier realized it was a mistake to be the first to mention actually _singing_.  "Oh, no… no… I was just wondering who wanted to go first."

            "You can." Mihoshi said generously.  "We don't mind."

            'Got to get out of this…' Heero flinched where he sat.  "Er… why doesn't Ayeka go?  She's probably really good, right?"

            "If you like the sound of screeching tires." Ryoko tormented.  "That's what she _sounds_ like."

            "Why you _peasant_!  I happen to have a lovely singing voice!" The princess countered.

            "Let's hear it!" Duo cheered.  "Sing a fast one!"

            "Alright." Ayeka approached the stage timidly and began looking through the list of songs slowly.  She looked very small and unnerved, the former aggressive qualities washed out with nervousness.  "A… alright.  Are you ready?"

            There were some calls of encouragement from the small audience and a warning about screeching tires.

            The song began and some accompanying words on a TV screen were highlighted in time with the lyrics.  The princess began singing disjointedly, seeming to try to disappear behind the microphone.

            "Speak up!" Trowa critiqued.  "We can't hear you!"

            "Fancy hearing _that_ coming from _him_." Wufei muttered.

            "She's doing just fine." Heero defended the Jurain girl.  "It's hard being first… I should know, I always had to show you guys how to do _everything_ during the war."

            Ayeka had begun to quiver at the harsh 'speak up' that was demanded of her, but as though an angel had spoken to her the words 'she's doing just fine' drifted into her thoughts, granting confidence.  She found the beat and began vocalizing with the tempo, waving her free arm dramatically, and clinging to the microphone with the other.

            'Hm.' Heero thought.  'She actually _does_ have a nice singing voice.'

            The performer began to enjoy herself, noticing Heero's eyes look almost admiringly at her.  Her voice didn't match the high-energy melody she was singing, but the mismatch seemed to bring out the unique tones she was articulating even more.  And then the song was over and she stepped down, blushing furiously.

            Everybody clapped happily; glad to have that first performance out of the way.

            "That was surprisingly good." Heero encouraged the shyly smiling princess to sit with him.  "I'm impressed."

            She gave him an untrusting glance.  "Thank you."

            "Why don't you go next, cutey?" Duo suggested flirtatiously.

            Kiyone giggled and held up her glass.  "Haven't had enough Sake yet.  Not near enough."

            "Aw, you don't need it.  You've got a great voice!"

            "You've never heard me sing.  And besides, so do you.  Why don't _you_ go next, and impress me?"

            "You want to be impressed?" He smirked at her playfully.

            "Yeah."

            "You want to be _really_ impressed?"

            She leaned forward.  "Yeah."

            "Are you _sure_?"

            "I'm sure."

            "Then you'll have to ask somebody else." Duo held up his hands.  "I don't karaoke."

            Kiyone laughed and pushed him on the shoulder.  "Stop teasing me, and _sing_.  I'm waiting, come on!"

            The pilot looked unsure.  "Geez, I don't know if the embarrassment is worth it."

            The Sake was kicking in.  "I could _make_ it worth it… if you just _go_!"

            Duo looked his beautiful companion over.  "You could, eh?  Well, that's compelling, sweetheart.  You've almost got me convinced!"

            "I don't know why I'm doing this," Kiyone wrapped her slender fingers under Duo's collar, gripping the fabric firmly.  "But I just _have_ to see you perform." She pulled him towards her, using gentle but irresistible force.  She allowed their faces to hover slightly apart for a moment, knowing she was torturing her victim with the hesitation, and then gave him a quick kiss.

            Duo thanked god for the Sake and grinned lecherously.  "Alright, you've convinced me.  I'll do it if you let me go."

            Kiyone released him with a tiny shove.  "Do a good job… there's more where that came from."

            He winked boldly.  "I know." He strode to the stage bravely and then turned to his audience.  "Any requests?"

            "Oops I did it Again!" Wufei called obnoxiously.  Everybody had witnessed the display at Duo's table, but Wufei was particularly annoyed.

            Duo stuck his tongue out at Wufei and picked a moody song.  He started singing… unprofessionally, but he was getting the job done.

            "Is Kiyone always… like that?" Quatre turned to Mihoshi secretively.

            Mihoshi was happy for the attention.  "Must be the drinks.  I get a little silly myself, you know!" She tilted her own drink carelessly.

            "Alcohol…" Quatre shook his head.

            "You don't _mind_, do you?" She looked concerned, putting the Sake down.

            "It just makes people act out of character… and then you can't tell who's being honest anymore."

            "Oh, is _that_ all?" Mihoshi smiled widely.  "I'd be flirting with you whether I was drunk or not!"

            He cringed.  "Just don't make me go up and sing, okay?"

            "You're not going to _sing_?!"

            "No!  It's so… embarrassing!  Just look at _him_!"

            Duo was really getting into his song, taking every opportunity to make eyes at Kiyone, or basically flirt at every chance.  He looked like a fool to everybody else, but Kiyone looked amused.

            "He's just having fun." Mihoshi said.  "We wouldn't make fun of you, you know!"

            Heero shook his head.  "This is terrible.  You were _much_ better."

            "This is going to sound rather vain," Ayeka blinked at the performance.  "But I have to agree with you."

            Washu laughed out loud.  "Now _this_ is karaoke!"

            Duo's time on stage seemed to degrade straight through to the end of the song.  He even ended on a completely wrong note.  Everybody laughed, but clapped anyway.

            "That was _horrible_!" Ryoko called out jokingly, enjoying the laugh.

            "Eh, not very impressive, was it?" Duo half frowned.

            Kiyone welcomed him back to his seat.  "On the contrary, I'm impressed at how _bad_ you were!  You were very good at being terrible.  Have a drink, get over it!"

            He accepted a new glass gratefully and downed it in one go.  "Well… was it worth it?"

            "What can I say," She shrugged.  "I give points for the effort.  And that pitiful expression on your face just pushes me over the edge." She beckoned him with a finger, wondering what in the world made her act so careless with a complete stranger.

            "You know, you're really cute." He felt a little dizzy after the effort on the stage and the quickly drained alcohol, but accepted the invitation.

            "Look Wufei," Washu kicked the back of Wufei's seat forcefully.  "Duo's going for extra credit, and you haven't even begun _working_ on your assignment, have you?"

            Wufei made a face at the kissing couple.  "I hate you, I hate your assignment, and I hate the fact that Maxwell makes himself look like a complete moron but the girl _still_ wants him!" He slumped into his chair and shielded his eyes.  "Girls are such pushovers."

            Washu kicked the chair again, causing it to topple over.  "Who's pushed over now?  Start working on your final!"

            "Look, Wufei wants to go next!" Sasami pointed at the sprawled figure.

            "No… I don't.  This is so stupid." Wufei righted himself, and glared daggers at the giggling scientist.

            The morning disappeared and afternoon began to wear on.  Eventually, _everyone_ was convinced to get on stage an attempt a little entertaining.  Unsurprisingly, Trowa mostly just tapped his foot, and didn't do any actual 'singing.'  Wufei probably sang about three lines, but he mumbled over the lyrics so nobody could agree for sure.  By the time Mihoshi got her turn, she was so drunk that Quatre had to run up to the stage and save her from a potentially humiliating strip dance.  She had tried to insist that she was fine and wanted to finish the song, but he said no.  Heero actually did a decent job, and some in the audience suspected that he might have done this before.  Regardless, they all left the bar a little happier and tipsier.


	5. Chapter 5

            "Tenchi, who did better?" Ryoko slurred as they went searching for lunch.  "Me or Ayeka?"

            "It doesn't matter, Ryoko." Tenchi sighed.

            "It was me, I just know it!" The pirate finished the sentence with a few exaggerated 'la la las' to prove her point.

            "You were great." Trowa caught her as she wobbled with intoxication.  "You should come with me and get something to eat."

            "I don't know what's gotten into you allasudden." She hiccupped, and tried to balance herself, but her heel slipped out from beneath her.

            Trowa managed to keep her upright, both arms around the girl's waist.  "And some coffee."

            She looked up.

            "You need coffee." He insisted.  "And lunch.  We could go together.  Understand?"

            Ryoko peeled his arms off of her.  "I wanna go with Tenchi, though!  You've got sumthin up your sleeve, I know it."

            This _was_ harder than it looked.  "I guess I could ask Ayeka…"

            "Don't do that!" She spat out quickly.  "You're too cute for her!  People would stare."

            "So you're coming?"

            Ryoko bit her lip, but nodded.

            In the end, Trowa and Ryoko left for lunch, Heero, Quatre, Ayeka, Sasami, and Mihoshi went for pizza and a game of bowling, Duo and Kiyone disappeared mysteriously, and Washu led Wufei off by the ear, muttering something about 'damn slackers.'

            "Eep!" Ayeka exclaimed as the bowling ball went crashing down the lane into the gutter.  "I'm sorry, Heero."

            Heero checked the scoreboard with irritation.  Ayeka hadn't knocked down a single pin the entire game, and they were losing to Quatre and Mihoshi.  Sasami had wandered into the arcade and was busy playing.

            "Good try, Ayeka." Mihoshi smiled warmly.  "Try not to throw the ball up in the air like that, okay?" She went to the ball return and picked up the bright orange one she was using.  "Wish me luck, again!"

            "Luck again!" Quatre cheered.  "But you don't need it, you're a natural!"

            She huffed happily.  "Thanks, but I'm not actually an environmentalist.  Woo!  Another strike!"

            The leading team celebrated another score, much to Heero's displeasure.  After all, he shouldn't be losing to _them_!

            "Now watch." He instructed Ayeka grimly.  "Do _not_ throw the ball straight up.  Do _not_ aim for the gutters.  Do _not_ shut your eyes before throwing the ball, because the noise is too loud.  Don't freak out, because there is nothing scary in the finger holes.  Don't complain because the bowling shoes are ugly.  Am I forgetting anything?"

            Ayeka sniffled.  "Your manners?"

            'Mission compromised.' Heero chided himself.  'I guess I have to forfeit victory to achieve the bigger goal.'  "Sor… sorr… sorry." He shook his head at the pathetic word.  "I get caught up in the competition.  Now watch." He knocked down seven of the pins and turned around.  "Did you see how I did it?"

            "Hm?" She snuffled behind a tissue.  "I blinked.  I missed it."

            'Patience… patience…' He clenched his fists.  "Oka~y… I'll do it again." He managed to knock down two more pins with the second ball.  "Did you see _that_?"

            Ayeka nodded.  "That's amazing!  How did you get the ball to go all the way down the alley like that?"

            "Haven't you listened to anything I've _said_?!"

            "No… it's your fault for being boring!  When you take a _princess_ out, you should really have some poetry prepared."

            Heero raged.  "How's this: horses are brown, mud is too, knock down the damn pins, or I'll knock down _you_!"

            Quatre grabbed his friend's shoulder.  "Chill out!  Chill out!  It's just a game."

            "That was a neat poem, Heero!" Mihoshi clapped.

            "Mihoshi!" Ayeka was full out crying now.  "Can't you see he's making fun of me because I can't play the stupid game right?  Boo hoo!"

            "Sorry, sorry, sorry…" Heero wondered why the word wasn't working… it took so much effort to say it, it should bring about _some_ results.

            Quatre and Mihoshi won the game.

That evening:

            The pilots were retiring to bed after an exhausting day of… ugh _dating_.  Well that was one point of view being shared, anyway.

            "She likes me less now than she did yesterday." Heero grumbled, setting up camp on the floor again.  "It's useless… she's too… _girly_."

            "That's the _point_, I think." Trowa had his arms folded behind his head just like the night before.

            Quatre was studying the ceiling intently… anything to take his mind off the lumpy bed.  "I was trying _not_ to complete the assignment… but Mihoshi had different ideas.  It was actually a lot of fun today."

            "Speak for yourself." Wufei was pretending to be asleep again.  "This was the most miserable day of my life.  I got totally chewed out by that maniac woman for not being chivalrous or something."

            "So what happened to _you_?" Trowa didn't specify, but everybody knew he was talking to Duo.  "Complete the assignment yet?"

            "Actually," Duo looked stunned.  "She didn't say it.  I did _everything_ right, but she didn't say it."

            "Neither did Ryoko…" Trowa flashed a concerned expression.  "Strange thing is, she's said it to me in the past.'

            "Women… don't try to figure them out, your brain will explode.  Or worse, you'll figure them out and be obsessed with flowers and candy for the rest of your life." Wufei pretended to snore.

            "Well, bowling doesn't work." Heero advised.  "I think the competition was too much for her."

            Quatre shook his head, smirking.  "She was handling the competition just fine.  I think it was the poem that pushed her over the edge."

            "Poem?" Duo leapt up expectantly.  "Heero made a poem?"

            "I don't want to talk about it." The poet replied.

            "Aw, come on!  This is a once in a lifetime event!  I can't believe _you_ made a poem!  Did you hold your hand over your heart while you recited it?"

            Heero momentarily appeared from his low-profile sleeping arrangement to slug Duo.  "Forget it."

            "Ow, oww!" The god of death retreated.  "Okay, I'll ask Quatre… what was it?"

            "Not really worth repeating.  Something about horses, mud, and pins.  I think there was some mild profanity, too." The blonde tried not to laugh.

            "Mud… how romantic." Trowa muttered.  "Leave it to Heero to use all the best lines before we can think of them."

            "Speaking of which, did you pick up any good tips from Washu, Wufei?" Quatre asked.

            "Let's see." Wufei was still pretending to sleep.  "Oh I remember: _talk_ to a girl.  Valuable advice, isn't it?"

            "So what did _you_ do, Trowa?" Duo returned the question.  "If she didn't say 'it,' what _did_ she do?"

            Trowa thought about it before answering.  "Well, after all the coffee, she got a splitting headache and became very irritable."

            "Ouch." Duo sympathized.  "Not the headache treatment."

            "You should have told her a mud poem.  That would have cheered her up." Quatre snickered.

            "Stop bringing that up!" Heero warned.

            "Anyway," Trowa smiled at the mention of the poem.  "She insisted that there was only one thing that would make her happier, and I _thought_ I might know what she meant…"

            "You scored?!" Duo gaped.  Four pillows buffeted him in the face.

            "She told me to take her right that instant-"

            "You _did_!" Duo felt confident now that he was holding all the pillows in the room.  "I'm really surprised!"

            Trowa glared at him dangerously.  "Shopping.  She told me to take her shopping."

            "You didn't do her?"

            Quatre turned bright red and threw a pager at Duo's head.  "Be quiet and listen!  Trowa is obviously saying that he didn't…" The red deepened.

            "No, _that_ came later." Trowa smiled at the four blank stares.  "Just kidding."

            "Trowa!" Quatre was gradually turning pink.  "You're doing that on purpose!"

            "So we went shopping… for shoes, and jewelry, and makeup.  Oh the horror.  It simply would _not_ end."

            "How did you _survive_?" Wufei sat forward in anticipation.

            "I don't even know.  After the third hat, I really thought I'd just die on the spot.  But then, miraculously, her headache really _did_ go away, and she was ready to go home."

            "And then you did her." Duo nodded knowingly.

            "If I had something else to throw…" Quatre shook his fist.  "It'd be crashing into your head right about now."

            "Yeah, thanks for the pager!"

            "Give that back!"

            "But when we got back, she ran over to Tenchi and started showing him all the things she bought." Trowa shrugged.

            "You endured _shopping_ for nothing?" Wufei was moved.

            "Well not _nothing_."

            "See!?" Duo pointed.  "I _told_ you he-"

            Quatre interrupted the comment by strangling the unsuspecting pilot viciously.  "No more!  Stop acting so PG-13!"

            Heero raised his eyebrows.  "That random act of violence is also PG-13, Quatre.  So what, then, Trowa?  She slap you for groping her in the street this afternoon?"

            "I was 'catching' her.  There's a difference… at least I didn't-"

            "Don't mention the poem, or you'll see an _R_ rated violent moment." Heero looked dead serious.

            "Okay." Trowa complied.  "Stop killing Duo so I can finish my story."

            Quatre stopped choking his victim and looked at his hands in disbelief.  "Wow… didn't know I had it in me.  Okay go on… what happened?"

            "So then," Trowa waited for Duo to stop coughing.  "She told me 'thanks for being such a good sport,' and gave me this." He held up an envelope.

            "What is it?" The other four asked in unison.

            "I don't know… haven't opened it yet."

            Everybody groaned.  "Open it!"

            Trowa looked unimpressed with their interest, but opened the envelope.  He took out a letter and read it with a strange look on his face.  "Hm."

            "WELL?!" Duo was practically jumping up and down.  "Did you complete the assignment?  Did she say it?"

            "Are you going home already?  You deserve it after that shopping trip!" Wufei also looked very excited.

            "It says: Let's go shopping again tomorrow.  Only, no groping my in the street this time." Trowa blanched.  "Maybe there's still time for me to self destruct?"

            "More _shopping_?!" Quatre burst out laughing.  "How're you getting out of it?"

            "It also says: PS Maybe I'll look for some exciting sleepwear while we're out." The color in his cheeks returned.  "Well that sounds more like her…"

            "Haha!" Duo looked triumphant.  "You know what _that_ means!"

            "Don't tell us." Quatre snapped.  "You've already said enough."

            Duo ignored the short-tempered demand.  "Trowa's getting lucky!"

            "Oh my _god_!" The blonde looked infinitely angry.  He started wringing Duo's neck again.  "Shut _up_!"

            "It doesn't mean anything." Trowa tossed the letter aside and relaxed again.  "It's in Ryoko's nature to be suggestive.  Doubtless, I'll just go shopping again.  Now stop murdering Duo so we can hear what he did today."

            "Quatre… stop it." Heero ordered.  "This is ridiculous."

            Quatre discontinued his out of character outbreak and narrowed his eyes seriously.  "Fine.  But you better clean up your attitude, Duo, or I'll tell Washu how disrespectful you've been acting."

            "Hmph." Duo snorted and rubbed his sore neck.  "No wonder you're failing this class, Quatre… you've got a real short fuse, don't you?"

            "Actually, he does." Trowa said.  "Remember that time in Wing Zero?"

            "Oh… like _you've_ never created destruction on a massive scale." The sensitive pilot abandoned all hope of sleeping on the 'torture bed' and retired to the floor.

            "So what did you _do_?" Wufei looked tiredly in Duo's direction, ignoring Quatre's complaining.

            "Er… well, we got arrested a little bit."

            Apparently, Heero found that funny.  "Figures.  What for?"

            Duo shrugged innocently.  "We were walking around town, and Kiyone pointed out an apartment building she used to live in.  It was abandoned and everything, so we weren't doing any harm… or anything… I guess."

            "You broke in?" Trowa concluded quietly.

            "Well, she didn't really want to, but I thought it was a great idea!"

            Wufei collapsed back into a sleeping position, obviously disgusted with this story.  "Breaking and entering… yeah, great idea."

            The storyteller deflected the sarcasm.  "What was I supposed to do?  It was for the assignment of course.  And the _perfect_ setup, too!  I mean really perfect… after I convinced her to come up through the window, she went into this completely different mode!"

            "Different mode?" Heero wondered out loud.  "There's more than one mode?"

            "Yeah!  She got all nostalgic like, and was touching the walls and remembering stuff… you know, the way girls get?"

            "Is this… 'nostalgia mode' constructive towards the assignment?" Heero probed for more information, doubtlessly planning to use it on his 'target.'

            Duo nodded in thought.  "Sure… she opened up and wanted to talk about all kinds of stuff all of the sudden.  That's a good thing, right?"

            Quatre's hand appeared from his position on the floor, giving the 'OK' signal.

            "That's what I thought.  Okay, so she was telling me about her detective work and things like that, and I was like 'uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh,' and I was trying to be a good listener but geeze!" He caught his breath.  "They can go on for_ever_!  Just talking and talking and talking and… well I thought _I_ held the record for the longest run-on sentence, but as of today, I have to admit that title doesn't belong to me anymore!"

            Trowa frowned at this information.  "I've noticed that.  Very talkative."

            "Argh." Wufei moaned.

            "And then, a cop just _happened_ to be passing by _just_ then, and noticed the broken window, and he decided to check it out.  Kiyone spent the whole rest of the day explaining things at the office."

            "Was she angry after that?" Quatre was fading into sleep.

            Duo grinned.  "Nope.  Apparently, she's used to bad luck and major disappointments.  And she mentioned some disturbing things about _your_ girlfriend, Quatre."

            "Like what?  Do I even want to know?"

            "Well, Kiyone says that Mihoshi is a really lucky person-"

            "That's not _bad_…"

            "And she also says that everybody around Mihoshi automatically become the _least_ lucky people alive."

            Quatre gulped.  "Yeah… I believe it."


	6. Chapter 6

~Day 3~

            "Sleep well?" Washu was waiting in the hallway when the pilots got up, leaning in their direction with her arms folded behind her back, almost defying gravity by the angle of her slant.

            "Oh, ha ha ha…" Wufei looked down at his 'instructor' crankily, dark circles underneath his gray eyes.  "Like you don't know."

            A groggy Duo picked up on the atmosphere.  "Can we get different beds please?  I can't sleep on that hunk of mattress any more than I could sleep on a heap of tacks… please?"

            Washu leaned even farther inwards, closed one eye, and held up a pointer finger.  "And _what_ would that accomplish?  You're asking the wrong person anyway!  If you want to… 'rearrange' your sleeping arrangements, there're some other girls in the house you could talk to."

            Trowa gave her an ironic look.  "You _are_ aware we all hate you, right?"

            "Oh." She patted his cheek annoyingly.  "Save all that energy… you're already on day three, and forgive me for noticing, but you don't seem to have made any progress.  And it just might be a trend… because _none_ of you have accomplished very much, have you?  Tsk tsk."

            He shoved her hand away, composing himself in that trademark Trowa fashion.  "I'd blame the teacher for that."

            "You would?  Why?" She placed the rejected hand on her hip, slightly irked.

            "Maybe I'd change my mind if you helped us out a little."

            "Yeah!" Duo agreed.  "Surely a scientist of your brilliance could tilt things in our favor?"

            "Have faith, my clueless pupils." Washu grabbed both of Heero's hands suddenly and swayed to and fro.  "I'm working behind the scenes, assuring your education.  I have some big plans for you!" She arched an eyebrow in such a way that seemed too mature for her face.  "And some extra-curricular activities planned… that's how _much_ I care.  Don't expect that you'll have to work any less hard, though."

            "What then?" Heero cringed at the contact as she continued moving his arms to an unheard beat.  "You're going to teach us some helpful skills?"

            "Correct, my dear obsessive soldier!" She slid one of her hands behind his back.  "Do you know how to dance?"

            The question didn't seem to catch Heero off guard.  "Yes." He proved the statement by dipping her back gracefully, reveling in her surprise.  "It's been relevant to my missions… once or twice."

            "I see!" She straightened herself, less confident than before.  "Well… uh… good!  Girls like to dance, and I mean to give you an opportunity to try out those fancy maneuvers on a certain prissy princess.  But you'll need a little practice to keep up with a woman born of the royal line… don't want to look like a fool, do you?"

            "So you'll brief us on this upcoming mission, I assume?"

            She laughed hollowly.  "Always the aspiring warrior.  You'd do well to relax a bit… take that to heart.  And all of you meet me in my laboratory after breakfast.  I'll have you all dancing like love struck fools by the evening."

            "Goody." Wufei adopted a dark countenance.  "Does anybody have any cyanide handy?"

            "One and two and three and…" At least the dancing practice was something to put their minds on, other than the hideous prospect of devising poetry, compliments, and presents.  And even better, it was a distraction from the looming possibility of eternal confinement in this alternate universe.  And although tedious, one and two and three and was at least predictable, unlike certain members of the Masaki household.

            "So," Quatre whirled around the lab with a robotic creation that supposedly was a life-like substitute for a real partner.  "What did you arrange that we'd be dancing for?"

            Washu sighed as she corrected Wufei's steps, temporarily taking the place of his mechanical instructor..  "This is why you _need_ this class.  You don't need a special occasion to dance.  Just turn on some music and there you go!"

            "That doesn't sound romantic enough." Quatre frowned at the expressionless robot.

            "Maybe," Washu guided her forlorn pilot into some smooth movements.  "That's probably why I've conjured up a ballroom for tonight… never say I never did anything for you slackers!"

            Heero paced through the waltz distractedly, obviously very familiar with the steps, though nobody dared to ask him where he had learned.  "And your suggestions for getting everybody to _go_ to this ballroom?"

            "Oh, I have a pretense." She abandoned Wufei and changed the music to a faster tempo.  "What's your favorite color, Duo?"

            "Why?" Duo was jerking his faux partner around, nearly knocking it over with his lapse of rhythm.

            "Duo!  This is a dance, not a recreation of a violent murder… stop fighting with her and _dance_!"

            "She doesn't know how to loosen up!" He smacked the side of the machine impatiently.  "Come on, baby, let's see some _real_ footwork!"

            "Whatever." Washu switched the music again to a very slow song.  "What's your favorite color?"

            "Black!  You'd think a _genius_ could figure that out…"

            "Aw, shut it before I go get my teacher's stick!  Quatre?"

            "Huh?" Quatre responded.

            "Color, color!  Favorite color!" Washu snapped her fingers hastily.

            "Oh!  Uh… gee… well… hm…"

            "Come on!  I'm not asking you for the value of a quantum figure in absolute negativity while suspended in artificial parameters of an integer!  Oh wait a minute… I suppose I kind of did!" She laughed hysterically at the joke, which was clearly lost on the rest of the group.  (A/N: And me… I mean, what the hell?)

            "Er… um… ah… blue!"

            "Heero?" She stopped laughing enough to present the question anew.

            "What's the point in having a preferred _color_?" Heero shuffled with the robot with a bored expression on his face.

            "This might be on the _test_!" Washu threatened.  "Just give me a color, for pete's sake!"

            "I don't even care.  Red."

            "Trowa?"

            "Is there a right answer?" Trowa had spent the majority of the lesson moving his feet tiny increments across the floor, and had maybe succeeded in traveling a whole two inches in the last three hours.

            "Not really.  I might give you bonus points for coming up with something unique, though."

            He thought momentarily.  "I'll just go with all of them then: white."

            "Wufei?"

            "You want unique?" Wufei snorted.  "Plaid… brown and green.  With fuchsia polka dots, and yellow stripes, too!"

            Washu paled a little bit.  "That's just… cruel, Wufei!"

            He shrugged.  "What do you mean?"


	7. Chapter 7

            "Yahtzee!" Sasami thrilled.  "That's five fives!  Lucky me!" She scribbled the fortunate score onto the sheet.  "Your turn, Heero."

            "Huh?" Heero took the cup of dice dumbly.  "I must have dozed off a bit."

            "Yahtzee isn't that exciting to you, is it?" Ryoko rested her head on her hand.  "Me neither… why do we always play these stupid games, anyway."

            Ayeka shut her eyes and improved her kneeling posture.  "I find it amusing enough.  You're just not any fun, Ryoko.  See Tenchi, I'm a lot more fun!"

            "Just… don't." Duo held up his hands.  "For _once_, stop fighting for two minutes!"

            "Don't talk like that to her!" Heero and Trowa accused him immediately.

            "Meow!" Ryo-ohki lamented.

            "Maybe we should do something else?" Washu faked a casual tone… unsuccessfully.  "I've got an interesting new experiment in the lab you could come take a look at!"

            "No thanks." Tenchi yawned.  "I don't feel like seeing any mutated amoebas tonight, thanks."

            "We'll pass, thanks." Mihoshi nodded, a look of insecurity on her face.  "Last time I saw one of your experiments I couldn't eat for a week!"

            "But it's not _like_ that!" Washu gestured hopelessly.  "This is something… great!  It will astound you!  You will be amazed!  Breathless!  Infinitely impressed!"

            "Well, what is it?" Kiyone asked, wide-eyed.

            "I don't mean to boast," Duo smirked.  "But that description reminds me of… well let's see… it sounds like me!"

            Washu pursed her lips impatiently.  "You mean mutated amoeba?  I agree.  But seriously folks, if you don't start marching right this minute, I'm simply going to have to release last weeks experiment in your beds.  _Move it_!"

            "No arguing with that!" Ayeka chuckled and allowed Heero to help her off the floor.  "But you're usually so conservative with your inventions, you hardly _ever_ ask us to see!"

            "It's… that good!" The scientist nodded emphatically.  "This way please, this way!"

            The crew lined up and proceeded through the suggested door.  Each person found himself or herself walking through Tenchi's modest residence into a remarkably elegant room.  The ceiling of this new room was at least forty feet high, strewn with globe lights and tasteful streamers.  The floor reflected back at the guests dynamically, inviting them all further into it's large confines.

            "Well, this is something." Ryoko admitted.  "But what's the point?"

            "Oh, it's wonderful is what it is!" Washu clasped her hands lovingly, admiring her own handiwork.  "I welcome you to the first annual Washu's ball!  Maestro!?"

            Music spontaneously filled the grand ballroom.  A few mechanical helpers wheeled some refreshment tables against the walls.

            "A ball!?" Ayeka placed a hand on her cheek in horror.  "But I'm not prepared!  This just won't-" She withdrew her hand tentatively and found a deep red glove on it.  "I wasn't wearing gloves… or this _dress_!  What is this?"

            "A very flattering costume." Washu pinched at Ayeka's form fitting outfit playfully.  "I thought I'd take the pleasure of picking out your duds for you, on this very special occasion.  Don't say you don't approve."

            "Red is just so…" Ayeka searched for the right word as she sized up her appearance in the glossy reflection of the floor.  "And a princess really shouldn't be wearing something so…"

            "Passionate… revealing… fun?" Washu offered her own word choices.  "Even a _princess_ must get in the mood to… flaunt… occasionally?"

            Ayeka blushed and frantically searched for an exit.  She wasn't terribly surprised when she couldn't find one.  "To think I look like this in front of the _guests_!" She shook her head.

            "Chill _out_, Ayeka." Ryoko admired her own reflection discriminately.  "I could have used a lower cut on this number, myself.  Why'd I get the prudish dress, Washu?"

            "It's white." Trowa observed, slightly amused.

            "Uh… duh!" Ryoko turned to him, fabric flowing around her ankles in the rotation.  "And it's not quite my style!  I mean, there's Miss Chubby over there, getting to show off what little she's got, and I've got this Sunday School dress covering up all my appealing features!" She fiddled with the collar anxiously.

            "Don't complain." He smiled self consciously, and retrieved her hand.  "I think I might have something to do with this," He kissed her hand chivalrously.  "Perfectly attractive dress."

            Ryoko considered this action.  "Well… I suppose you're right.  I make _any_ clothes look good." She slipped her hand away from him.  "And for the record, I make _no_ clothes look good, too."

            "Uh…" He tried not to think about that.  "Well… that said, should we dance?  It's a ball after all."

            She smirked, and gave back her hand.  "And for another record, you make that suit look good."

            Trowa noticed that the pilots and Tenchi had also made a costume change.  The entire gathering was wearing formal attire.  "Thanks, I guess.  Uh… don't look at me like that… please?"

            "Oh, oh, oh!" Mihoshi bounced across the gorgeous room, grabbing a cookie from the refreshments table.  "I'm so excited, this is my very first ball ever!  And I'm here with all my friends, even you, Kiyone!"

            Kiyone also took a cookie, and bit her lip in an attempt to conceal her pleasure.  "Don't you think it's a little over the top?  I've never been to anything like this before, and it feels a little…" She moved her shoulders to the music.

            "A little _exciting_?" Mihoshi finished for her.  "Oh, oh, oh!  You should go ask Duo to dance with you!  Wouldn't that be _exciting_?!"

            Kiyone swallowed a bite of the cookie.  "Okay, I admit it's exciting… but Mihoshi, don't you remember?"

            "What?" The blonde smiled warmly, bubbling over with (what else) excitement.

            "I never learned to dance."

            Mihoshi gasped as though the room had just blown up.

            "Keep it _down_!" Kiyone furrowed her eyebrows.  "I don't want everybody to know!  I'm just going to stay here and… act cool.  Yeah.  I'm cool." She continued her strange toe tapping.

            "But it's a _ball_!" Mihoshi jumped up and down.  "It's like a fairytale ball, and I don't want to see you miss out!  Oh!  Think of something!"

            "Uhm… Mihoshi?" Quatre interrupted shyly.  "You like… want to dance, or something?"

            She swirled to meet him, brushing a crumb off the brilliant blue dress she wore.  Her face exploded into an open mouthed smile.  "_Oh_!  How exciting!  You look so _cute_!  Oh!  I'll be back, Kiyone… I'm going to _dance_!" She draped herself over his arm adoringly, blinking against her exhilaration.

            Washu was observing the scene with satisfaction.  She leaned towards a grumpy Wufei conspiratorially.  "I just didn't have the heart to dress any of these poor girls in your 'favorite color.'  I hope you're not too disappointed."

            "Hmph." Wufei folded his arms across his suit.  "Stop mocking me."

            "I only want to see you improve yourself." Washu said with a surprising tone of sincerity.  "If you tried, I bet you'd have at least a little fun.  Come on?"

            Wufei's eyes raged, reflecting a violent war that broke out in his mind.  "Dance with me, woman.  And if you step on my feet even once, or patronize me, or call me some ridiculous nick-name-"

            "I get the picture." She accepted.  "Now dance with me, man!"

            Tenchi had begun waltzing Sasami across the dance floor, much to the young princess' delight.  "This _is_ more fun than Yahtzee!"

            "Be careful, Sasami!" Ayeka called longingly, watching Tenchi's exaggerated dancing.  "Dance with _me_ next, Tenchi!"

            "Care to warm up?" Heero offered hopefully.  "Until Tenchi's ready?"

            Ayeka tugged at her bright red dress in an attempt at modesty, but failed.  "Oh, I'll just wait, thanks."

            The perfect soldier sized her up silently, devising a new attack plan.  "I've heard that royalty are always excellent dancers."

            She blushed.  "I'm afraid nobody could dance too well in this constricting dress.  Forgive me, I just don't feel like-"

            "Showing everybody else up?"

            "Drawing attention to myself for one thing.  What was Washu thinking?"

            Heero let his attention wander to the extremely daring dress that concerned his 'target' so much.  "I think it's fine."

            She sighed, gritted her teeth and made eye contact.  "Why are you being so _nice_ to me?  I've been trying not to be rude, but I just don't like you."

            "I'm sorry.  About the bowling alley, I'm really sorry.  Now would you _please_ just dance with me?"

            'Sorry _and_ please?' Ayeka thought to herself.  "Just tell me why you're trying so hard to be my friend lately."

            "Uh… well…" He tried to remember every mushy movie he had ever seen for inspiration, but realized he had always fallen into 'sleep mode' during those situations.  Wait a minute… wasn't Duo saying something about modes?  What'd he call it… nostalgic mode?  "I just wanted to learn more about you.  Like, you could tell me stuff about your past."

            Her face contorted.  "What do you _mean_?  You want to find out all my deep, dark secrets, or something?  Get away!"

            "No, no!  I just… want to get to know you… yeah, that's it!  We hardly know each other."

            "Let's keep it that way."

            Heero opened his mouth to speak, but retreated instead.  He discovered Washu dancing with Wufei and tapped her on the shoulder viciously.  "I'm cutting in."

            Wufei allowed the intrusion, leaving to inspect the refreshments.

            "What's the problem, fancy feet?" Washu mocked, noticing the amazing proficiency of her new partner.

            "She won't _dance_!  She's being stubborn, and she hates me." Heero twirled the girl around with one hand, catching her at the end.

            "Well," Washu caught her breath.  "Why do you think she hates you?"

            "I don't know…"

            "Did you ever do anything to… say… upset her?" She shook her head as though it were an impossibility.

            "No." He continued with perfect steps.  "Well… maybe."

            "You know, the more information you give me, the more I can help you."

            "Who said I needed help?"

            Washu just stared witheringly.

            "Fine.  I yelled at her and I recited some stupid poem to make her angry.  It _worked_."

            "Aw, why are you trying to make her _mad_?  You're supposed to be wooing her."

            It was Heero's turn for a withering glare.

            "Okay, just listen to me." She leaned close and started whispering.


	8. Chapter 8

            "Hmm hmm hmm" Kiyone started on what must have been her thirtieth cookie, observing the swirling, swaying mass on the dance floor.  She absent-mindedly tried to mimic some of their movements, while chewing.  "One and two and… no, that's not it… where'd she learn how to do that?"  She munched away until she noticed something that spelled her eminent destruction.  A figure moving towards her… with a purpose!  "Oh no… don't come over here… don't, don't, don't, _hi_!  Duo."

            "What are you doing over here all alone?" Duo smiled drunkenly, though he hadn't touched a drink all day.

            She just smiled, mouth stuffed with chocolate.

            "You know, black is my favorite color!" He pointed at her dress approvingly.  "And curves are my favorite anything.  Let's dance!"

            "Oh," She swallowed.  "No thanks, I'm fine."

            "That you _are_!  I'm not giving up until I get you out there.  So just come quietly, and easily, and _I'll_ go easy on you."

            "I really don't feel like it!" She smiled a huge smile.

            He put his hands on her waist.  "You feel good to me.  Now don't make me break out my scythe."

            "Scythe?" She tried to push him away, but to no avail.  "I'm just not in the mood."

            "Sorry, babe, I warned you!" He started dragging her away.

            "No!  Say, why don't you go get me a drink!  Yeah, be a gentleman and grab me a drink, huh?"

            Duo shook his head playfully.

            "Please!" She patted his cheek.  "Come on… then maybe I'd think about it?"

            "Nope.  I've got my mind set." He stopped in the midst of the other dancers and looked at her expectantly.

            "Anything but this, okay?" She grinned frantically.  "There are other things to be done, besides dancing."

            "No _better_ things, though."

            "Oh, sure there are." Kiyone lowered her voice desperately.  "Get me out of this ballroom and I'll show you."

            He was still waiting for her to start dancing… or at least moving.  "Call me old fashioned, but I'd like this dance first."

            "Duo," She pouted.  "I _can't_ dance.  I don't know how.  I have no rhythm."

            "Stop kidding, you're not getting out of this."

            "I'm dead serious.  It's embarrassing, but I cannotdance.  I'd appreciate it if you just forgot about it."

            He lifted his eyebrows.  "Well… I'm disappointed.  But you're right."

            "Am I?"

            "There _are_ other ways to amuse ourselves, after all." He made an exaggerated sigh.  "I guess I'll just have to make this sacrifice.  So do you have like a queen sized bed or something, because I'm guessing Washu would set you up pretty nicely, considering."

            She stared open mouthed.  "_What_?!  I've known you for less than three days!"

            'Crap.' Duo chided himself.  "Uh… that's not what I meant.  You see, Washu gave us this horrible room, and the beds might as well be made out of lumpy bricks or something.  And I was just wondering-"

            "No." Kiyone held her hands up, palms facing forward.  "You can't."

            "Listen, I haven't gotten _any_ sleep the last two nights.  I'll just fall right to sleep, and I'm begging you…"

            "Oh, so you're saying you'd just _sleep_?" She shook her head angrily.

            "I _swear_ that's all I'm thinking.  Don't get mad, you're looking at a sleep-deprived, dimensionally misplaced, misunderstood admirer here, and I don't mean any offense."

            She leaned forward, and pulled down his lower eyelids curiously.  "Hmm.  Your eyes are bloodshot… that could be caused by other things but along with these dark circles, and that tired expression on your face, I am almost inclined to believe you."

            "Yes, do!  Look, I'll _prove_ it to you!  Come to our room, and I'll show you why I'd even bring it up.  Come on?"

            Kiyone sniffled daintily.  "Alright.  It _will_ get me off of this dance floor, anyway.  Let's go see Washu about getting beamed out of this joint."

            "You're back, then?" Ayeka nearly snarled.

            "Yes, and I want you to listen to _this_." Heero approached her determinedly.  "_You_ are-"

            She looked up in disbelief.  "You're going to _insult_ me?" Tears formed.  "Do you have any idea of how tired I am of being criticized by people?  I don't deserve it and I think you should leave me alone."

            He took a deep breath.  "Let me _finish_."

            Ayeka choked on her own breath.  "Fine.  What's one more offence anyway?" A sob began.  "After all I'll probably never be rid of them."

            "_You_ are…" He waited for her to stop blowing her nose.  "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.  I can't stop thinking about you, and if you would just dance _one_ dance with me… I would be satisfied with that forever, and I'd leave you alone." He held out his hand.  "Please."

            "Same to you, buddy!" She responded, grief-stricken.  "Wa… wait a minute, _what_?"

            Heero looked downward, remembering Washu's advice.  "I know I don't deserve you, but would you please?"

            "How could the nicest words be coming from _you_?" She reluctantly joined him in the dance.  "Now if you could only get a certain somebody else to say that, I think I'd really appreciate you."

            "This is so _exciting_!" Mihoshi repeated.  "Oh, thank you for asking me!  You're so kind!"

            "No problem." Quatre couldn't believe his partner's enthusiasm.  "Could you maybe stop jumping a little?  I think you're giving me whiplash."

            She calmed down a little bit, but her eyes shined as brightly as ever.  "I can't tell you how glad I am that you came here!  I never stopped thinking that we'd meet again!  It's like it's meant to be, don't you feel that way?  Like it's _fate_!  Isn't fate exciting?  Don't you think?"

            "Sure.  I mean, it'd be a pretty big coincidence for you to just so happen to pop into my dimension, right?"

            "That's _exactly_ what I mean!" She started hopping again.  "Then you do feel it!  I was kind of worried that I was just making it up in my head!  I'm so lucky."

            A guilty feeling washed over the pilot.  "Well, maybe not."

            "What do you mean?"

            "You don't really know me or anything, so it might _not_ be so lucky for you." He nodded miserably.

            "You always forget that I've watched your life pass by on the TV.  I don't think you could surprise me with anything I wouldn't like.  On the other hand, you've probably seen how stupid I can be on your TV, haven't you?"

            "Stupid?  No.  Honest?" He nodded again.  "You're always honest."

            "So are you!" Mihoshi leaned in for the slow dance.

            "Not always… I'm sorry, Mihoshi, I'm going to bed."

            "You're tired?" She looked terribly disappointed.  "But this is my first ball, and it's still so early.  Maybe we could just go sit down, and you could relax?  Please?"

            "What are _you_ grinning at?!" Wufei picked up Ryo-Ohki by the scruff of the neck.

            She scrambled up his arm to perch on his shoulder.  "Meow wow." She showed off a hideous plaid bow, complete with pink polka dots and mustard colored stripes.

            "Get that _off_!" He pulled the bow off and let it litter the polished floor.  "You know, that isn't funny."

            "Meow?"

            "That pink-haired woman is mocking me again.  What is the _matter_ with women?  Why are they all _insane_?!"

            "Meeee?"

            "No, you're different.  Animals are different.  You're not insane, you're just weird."

            "Wow?"

            "Well, I guess you're kind of neat… for a… whatever you are."

            "Mew." She purred happily.


	9. Chapter 9

            "What do you say to escaping this party?" Ryoko suggested… suggestively!  (A/N: Ah, yes, I'm a second Shakespeare!)

            "Whatever you want." Trowa complied, crossing his fingers and hoping for the best.

            "It's such a good thing that you _finally_ caught on." The pirate dragged him giddily to what seemed to be a plain section of the wall, but she passed right through, carrying him with her.  "What was wrong with you before, anyway?  To let such a catch get away from you?" She continued levitating down Tenchi's hallways, away from the sounds of the first annual Washu's ball.

            "Oh… you know." Trowa chased after her.  "Being dimensionally displaced as I am at the moment, it seems like a good idea to behave more sociably."

            She smiled sharply, stopping in a secluded area of hallway.  "That's a nice excuse.  Anyway, now that we're away from the group…" She gazed around as though she couldn't think of what to do next.  "Maybe we should just get straight to the point?"

            "Sure." Trowa checked his watch, figuring he would have his assignment completed in the next five minutes or so.  He did enjoy setting records.

            Ryoko looked relieved.  "That agreeable attitude suits you fine!  And that _suit_ suits you fine.  My room's over here, but we oughtta make this quick so Tenchi doesn't suspect anything."

            He shrugged and entered the domain of the Masaki family's resident space pirate.  The décor wasn't much to look at, but one piece of furniture immediately caught his sleep-deprived eyes.  The four-poster, sea-green bed looked comfortable enough to die in, let alone get a good night's rest.  Trowa rubbed his eyes unconsciously.

            "You just gonna _stare_?" Ryoko slammed the door shut, putting an end to the enchantment the bed had put on Trowa.  "Help me with these clothes!"

            Somewhat surprised at this sudden request, Trowa hesitated, feeling stupid.

            Ryoko turned around impatiently and started fiddling with something in her overflowing closet, shifting heaps of outfits around in search of something.

            The gundam pilot reminded himself that he had indeed learned to fly a mobile suit.  It had been easy.  He had mastered acrobatics.  It had been simple.  He had invented the world's most supernatural hair gel.  It had been effortless.  He told himself that after accomplishing all that he had, undoing a button in some random white dress should be no problem.

            "_Hey_!" Ryoko swung around suspiciously at the feeling of one of her buttons being messed with.  "What do you think you're doing!?"

            "Uh…" Trowa decided that all his previous achievements had been easy because there wasn't a woman involved.  "Helping you with your clothes?"

            "_These_ clothes!" She seethed, waving some dresses on hangars at him.  "It's Tenchi's birthday tomorrow and I wanted a man's opinion on what would be the best thing to wear."

            "Tenchi's birthday," Trowa repeated, blank eyes still resting on the challenging button.

            Ryoko blinked at him shrewdly.  "Yeah, birthday.  As in the day he was born.  I want to make it an especially…" Her eyes narrowed and glinted in the badly lit room.  "_special_… birthday."

            This news was immediately recognized as bad news.  A special day for Tenchi Masaki was _not_ what Trowa had in mind for his assignment.  "Birthday…" He said again.

            "Which dress?" She ignored his positively stupid response and shoved two garments in his face.

            He held them both out at arms length tentatively.  "These are dresses?" He tilted his head to get a better look at them, awed expression on his face.  "They look more like… scarves or something… how exactly do they work?"

            "_Men_!" Ryoko snatched the outfits back, appraising them herself.  "They're dresses all right, and I think Tenchi will appreciate them more than you anyway."

            "What's wrong with what you have on right now?"

            The pirate floated in front of a full-length mirror and grimaced at her reflection.  "You mean this _nun_ outfit?" She snorted.  "Nothing… if I were trying to enroll myself into a monastery, that is." She undid a few buttons at the neckline.  "I'm going for a slightly different goal, though."

            Trowa didn't suspect she was lying and realized that tomorrow's 'obsess over Tenchi day' could very well erase all his hard work up to this point if he didn't think of something quick.  "Uh…" Okay, that isn't quick enough.  In fact, a quick look at his watch showed that he had already gone over his five-minute goal.

            Ryoko busied herself by playing with her hair in the mirror before a dark look fell across her face.  "I just hope Ayeka doesn't wear that red dress tomorrow… who does she think she is, anyway?"

            "So," Trowa said, grasping for any conversation at all.  "What are you getting Tenchi for his birthday?"

            She twirled away from the mirror.  "Something really great!"

            "Oh?"

            "You bet," She used one hand to struggle with her collar again and the other to point to one of the 'scarf dresses.'  "_That's_ the wrapping paper."

            "I thought you said it was a dress?"

            "_Exactly_!"

            "Huh?" Trowa goggled.  "Oh… _oh_."

            "Think he'll like it?" She remarked dryly, still scratching at her neck.

            "Er… how about just buying him a tie or something?"

            "Jealous, huh?" She kicked off her dress shoes and reclined against an overstuffed pillow on the bed.  "Tough break."

            At the word break, Trowa could almost swear he heard something snap in his head.  And whilst thinking about his head, his brain immediately leapt to a comfortable rhyming word: bed.  His vision blurred, as visions tend to do after three nights without sleep.  He vaguely heard himself say 'what the heck,' and collapsed onto the bed.

            "Hey!" Ryoko shrieked, looking around for something thick to club the intruder over the head with.  "Hey, if I was boring you _that_ much why didn't you just say so?!"

            "Scoot over," Trowa responded plainly, falling soundly asleep about three seconds afterwards.

***

            "Why?" Kiyone put a finger to her chin.  "Why would Washu _intentionally_ make your room so inhospitable?  I thought you pilots were welcomed guests?"

            Duo shrugged as though he had no idea why.  "So did I.  You see my problem, then?"

            "No." Kiyone pressed against one of the hard beds experimentally.  The mattress did not respond the way a mattress made out of softer materials would.  "I think you should just let Washu know how uncomfortable you are.  She'll put it right."

            Duo recognized his folly.  One of the requirements of the assignment was to keep the assignment completely secret from the girls.  If Kiyone kept asking questions, she might find out, and then he'd never get home.  "Well… I would _hate_ to seem ungrateful to Washu." Yeah, that's it!  Better to look like a sensitive guy.

            She looked unsure.  "What about the other pilots?  Aren't they losing sleep over this, too?  This has got to be _fixed_, Duo!  _My_ hyper-dimensional-room is _very_ comfortable compared to this one."

            "It is?" Duo responded wearily.  "That's… nice."

            "If you're too scared to bring it up, _I'm_ going to tell Washu." Kiyone said determinedly.  "Don't worry, Duo, this will be cleared up in no time."

            "Huh?  Wait, don't do _that_!"

            "Why not?"

            He couldn't let her do that.  Washu would suspect that he was telling Kiyone everything.  "Because…" What a mistake… he must be getting sleepy.  "Because… Wufei would _die_!"

            "What?" Kiyone responded, wide-eyed.

            "Yeah!  Wufei has this very rare disease, where if he sleeps on anything soft he stops breathing and _dies_!  You've noticed how uptight he is." He added the last with a confident flourish.

            "What are you talking about?  What kind of disease is that?"

            "An… anti-comfort-suffocation-thing disease.  It's very rare.  He keeps it a big secret, so don't tell anybody I told you."

            "Well that's terrible." She folded her arms and looked thoughtful.  "But why can't you just ask Washu for a different bed for you and the others?"

            "Uhhh… because Wufei's disease also kills him if he sees other people sleeping comfortably."

            "What?  I've never heard of _anything-_"

            Duo interrupted.  "It's _incredibly_ rare!  That's why he's so _incredibly_ uptight!"

            "If that's the case, just get a room of your own…"

            "But then Quatre would die!" Duo wailed dramatically.

            Kiyone took a few steps back.  "This is getting creepy.  What's the matter with Quatre?"

            "You know what?  You don't even want to know.  You can't tell anybody I told you, but it would be a death-sentence for Quatre if we were to go around changing this room or getting new ones."

            Kiyone looked horrified.  "This is terrible!"

            "Yeah… poor guys."

            "Not them!" She looked shrewdly at Duo.  "I think it's terrible the way you're _lying_ to me!"

            "Huh?"

            "What, you didn't expect me to _believe_ that ridiculous story?  I was a _detective_ Duo; not born yesterday."

            "But… but… but." Duo couldn't get out a fourth 'but' before the uncomfortable room's door was shutting in his face.

***

            Washu grinned to herself.  The first annual Washu's ball had generated some positive results for all her students.  There to behold, was Heero dancing with Ayeka, despite the fact that Tenchi was loitering near the refreshments table, clearly partner-less.  Heero had his unexplained dancing finesse to thank for that; Ayeka _had_ to notice the difference between a graceful waltz and Tenchi's occasional klutziness.

            The little scientist ripped out a sensor device and pointed it at Quatre deviously.  It made a few whirring and clacking noises before printing out a result on the screen.  "Good." Apparently, the blond pilot had been able to relax a bit as his heart rate was a lot lower now.  Washu had a lot of questions she wanted to ask about what had been getting him down, but she figured it could wait until tomorrow morning.  "Science never sleeps, but guinea pigs tend to sleep in when properly cared for." She cackled and stuffed the sensor device back where it came from.

***

            "My feet hurt." Quatre complained as the pilots returned to the 'room of pain and wakefulness' after the ball was over.

            "Yeah, dancing can really take it out of you." Duo sympathized.

            "Not from the dancing," Quatre threw his pillow onto the floor and settled down there.  "Mihoshi kept jumping on my toes."

            Heero held back a rude snicker.  "Forget your feet.  We're all in for the ultimate torment now: sleep time."

            "Except for Trowa." Wufei noticed blandly.  "Wonder what happened to him?"

            Quatre averted disaster by stuffing a moth-eaten blanket into Duo's mouth.  "Don't say a word!  We don't want to hear what you think!"

            Duo spat the blanket out unhappily.  "What?  I was just going to say that Trowa's probably sleeping in a tree."

            "A tree?" Quatre repeated.  "I thought you were going to say something else.  I'm sorry."

            "Don't be, because I'm not finished!" Duo declared, holding up the moth-eaten blanket for impact.  "I was going to _also_ say: Trowa and Ryoko in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" He looked proud of himself.

            "Argh!" The blond pilot fumed.  "You are the worst!  I don't want to talk to you anymore!"

            "Oh…" Duo realized.  "Actually, that's no good, because I need to ask you for a favor."

            "What is it?"

            "Well… Kiyone got pretty mad at me today, and I need you to smooth over a little lie I let slip."

            Wufei snorted.  "I should have known you were lying to her, Maxwell.  I couldn't figure out why she kept hanging around with you, but this explains it.  What'd you say?  That you were rich, powerful, and not as stupid as you look?"

            "I _had_ to lie!" Duo insisted.  "It was either that, or let her know about the assignment.  And if _she_ found out, all of _your_ targets would have too.  You know the way girls gossip…"

            There was a silent moment of thought, and appreciation for the truth in that last statement.

            "I see.  You need Quatre to eliminate this threat?" Heero asked professionally.  "Will you need a weapon, Quatre?  I managed to bring my gun when we were dragged into this dimension."

            "I don't want her _eliminated_!" Duo sat bolt upright at the suggestion.  "I just want you to convince her that I wasn't lying."

            "How am I supposed to manage that?  You _were_ lying!" Quatre shook his head against the hard floor.

            "Well, I worked it all out." Duo said rather cheerfully.  "Just memorize what I've written on this piece of paper and repeat it to Kiyone tomorrow.  It should clear things right up."

            Quatre took the paper reluctantly.  "I don't know, Duo.  I don't think I want to be involved with your lies."

            "Puh-_lease_!  I'll pay you back!  I'll help you with your assignment!"

            "How could you possibly help?"

            "I could, like, tell Mihoshi what a great guy you are and stuff!"

            "Great…" Quatre muttered.  "More lying."

            Duo grinned foolishly.  "Not lying.  Exaggeration!  It's all good!"

            "You do have to make yourself look good." Heero admitted, seeming disturbed by the uncomfortable floor.  "In order to get the targets in an open-minded mode, you have to display your better qualities."

            "So you're saying," Wufei said sarcastically.  "That you're better at dancing than poetry?"

            "Yeah, I'm saying that." Heero responded harshly.

            "So what do you say, Quatre?  I'll help you display your better qualities in exchange for you fixing this little setback with Kiyone?" Duo pleaded.

            "I can't believe we're resorting to team-work to get this assignment done." Wufei sighed.  "I thought romance was just supposed to be between two people?"

            "You need to use whatever resources you have available." Heero said seriously.  "Are you thinking about asking us for help, Wufei?"

            "No.  I think you're going about it all wrong, anyway." Wufei turned over to lie on his side.

            Duo smiled widely.  "_We're_ going about it all wrong?  Aren't you the one who hasn't made any progress whatsoever?"

            "Maybe I haven't." Wufei's tone grew stern.  "But I am the only one amongst us who's ever been married, so _there_."

            Heero sat up, interested.  "That's right.  I'd forgotten about that."

            "Hey, yeah!" Duo said.  "What was _that_ like, man?"

            Wufei shuffled uncomfortably.  "It was like being married.  What do you expect?"

            "Details!" Duo insisted matter-of-factly.  "I expect _details_."

            "If you don't mind." Quatre added, wide-eyed.

            After a collection of his thoughts, Wufei answered shortly.  "It was an arranged marriage."

            "So you had to use team-work to get married?" Heero poked fun.  "I thought you said romance was supposed to be between two people?"

            "I didn't say that, I was _quoting_ somebody else!" Wufei gave up on pretending to be comfortably sleeping and sat up like the rest.  "What's the big deal anyway?  What are you so curious about?"

            "I don't know." Quatre admitted.

            "I want to hear anything relevant to our current mission." Heero said.

            "I don't know!" Wufei looked super irritated.  "Being with a woman requires putting up with their nonsense all the time.  You already know that."

            "But you have practice!" Duo gasped.  "You know how to do it!  How _do_ you put up with it?"

            Wufei allowed a moment of suspense.  "You _don't_.  There is no secret.  Women were created to drive men insane, and that's all there is to it.  There is no justice in this world…"

            "You're holding out on us." Duo accused.

            Heero looked determined.  "You must know _some_ techniques for getting along with women.  Tell us."

            "You want _advice_?" Wufei was stunned.

            The other three nodded.

            "From _me_?"

            Nods.

            "Fine.  Fine, fine.  I've got advice for _you_.  Go to sleep, and when you wake up, stop being a bunch of jerks."

            "That's your advice?"

            "What did you expect?"


	10. Chapter 10

~Day Four~

            "Rise and shine, my Romeos in the making!" Washu beamed at first light, ending the pilots' futile tossing and turning.  "We have class today."

            "Huh?" Quatre wobbled off the floor.  "What class is that?"

            "We'll call it a refresher course, though that's being polite." Washu pressed a button on a remote and the pointed stick was in her hand.  The room phased out and then back in as the claustrophobic school room.  "Find your seats pupils.  I'm going to make _sure_ my education gets through to you this time."

            The gundam crew exhaustedly placed themselves into the seats, deep, dark circles beneath their eyes.  Trowa was present, and the others wanted to question him, but knew better than speaking out of turn.

            "Shall we try roll again this morning?" Washu marched in front of a blackboard, teacher's pleated skirt showing off too much leg.  "Yuy?"

            "Here."

            "Maxwell?"

            "Here, ma'am." Duo gulped.

            "Barton?"

            "Here."

            "Winner?"

            "Here."

            "Wufei?"

            "Here…"

            Washu stopped pacing and faced the class, looking coyly pleased.  "Do you see what marvelous progress we've made together?  You've learned how to properly respond during a roll.  Now, imagine how uneducated you'd be if we'd never undertaken this class?"

            "Yes, ma'am." Duo gulped again.

            "In fact, I've seen many improvements in you.  The assignment appears to be very motivational… and tiring." She took a short walk to stand by Quatre's desk.  She lifted his face with a finger under his chin.  "Yes… it looks like you've been losing a lot of sleep over your studies, haven't you?"

            Quatre yawned heavily despite his attempts to stifle it.

            "And yet," Washu let Quatre's head drop back down.  "Despite these improvements, I expected so much _more_ from all of you." Her voice turned deadly serious.  "This course does not turn out unsuccessful students.  I expect an A from each of you!" WHAP!  She punctuated her demand with a smart slap of the stick against her palm.  "Are you ready for intensive cramming?  Finals are coming soon."

            The pilots shifted nervously in their seats.

            "Are you READY?"

            "Yes, ma'am." A chorus of submission replied.

            "Excellent!" Washu smirked.  "To begin with, I want to hear what your intentions for today are.  I hope you have well prepared research.  Yuy?"

            Heero looked upward, trying to devise a response.  "I planned to attempt the giving of a gift.  I have suspicion that presents bring the targets into a grateful mode."

            "What sort of gift?" Washu asked, making it clear that there was a right and wrong answer to her question.

            "Uh… chocolate?" Heero grimaced.

            "Chocolate." Washu nodded absently.  "Chocolate.  I see." She pulled a hook above the blackboard and a diagram descended with big pictures and labels.  "Gift giving is an art form, class.  The type of presentations you give to your Juliets will produce different responses varying upon the classification.  Who can tell me what classification chocolate falls under?"

            Duo raised his hand.

            "Maxwell?"

            "It falls under the brown category."

            WHAP! "_Not_ what I was looking for.  Chocolate is the type of gift you might give to a new acquaintance.  It falls under the 'crush classification,' or maybe the 'infatuation classification.'  Do you remember the three R's?"

            "Romance raises ratings." Trowa provided.

            "Very good."

            WHAP!  WHAP!  WHAP!  "Why'd you do that?" Heero rubbed his sore wrist.

            "Because the requirement in this class is romance; not crushes or infatuations!  That stuff's for teenagers!"

            "We _are_ teenagers…" Quatre said.  WHAP!

            "Keep up that self-defeating attitude, and I _will_ flunk you, Winner.  Let us discuss what gifts represent romance, true love.  Any thoughts?"

            Duo raised his hand.  "Roses?"

            "Yes, that's a little better.  But my suggestion to you, Yuy, is to determine something more personal to give to your object of affection.  Something that resonates so closely to her personality that she can't afford to ignore it, or you.  A gift that will _create_ romance, where there was once no romance.  If you can pull that off, I'll consider giving you extra-credit."

            "Like what?" Heero didn't understand any of it.

            "_Your_ assignment, school boy.  Moving on.  Maxwell, what is your study strategy for today?" Washu wielded the pointy stick in case something stupid was coming.

            "Me?  I thought maybe I'd spend the day apologizing."

            "_Apologizing_!?"

            "Yeah, we got into a bit of a misunderstanding last night after the ball.  I need to clear that up ASAP." Duo folded his arms behind his head as if the misunderstanding was no big deal.

            "And you were doing so _well_.  Oh well, there is an art to apologies as well.  How were you planning to do it?"

            "Well I'll tell you, I was planning to have Quatre here go and verify a few things I said last night, just to confirm my reliability." WHAP!

            Washu slapped her forehead.  "You were going to have somebody _else_ apologize for you?  What kind of loser does that!?  You need a new plan!"

            "Ow…" Duo wondered if Washu had sharpened the pointy stick since the last class.  "Go easy, lady." He applied the 'puppy-dog eyes' expression.

            Washu pointed at the pathetic pilot.  "That!  That expression!"

            "What?"

            "It's gold, man, that's _what_!" She yanked down a new chart that described various methods of looking adorable.  "You just performed expression number sixteen!"

            "Uh… okay." Duo pretended to look interested.  "What's it do?"

            Washu was too caught up in her lecture to apply a WHAP.  "Number sixteen tends to evoke the mother load of sympathetic feelings, and often invites returned affection as well.  Where'd you learn to do that so well?  I certainly didn't teach you…"

            Duo stuck his nose high in the air.  "Nobody taught me.  I'm a natural."

            WHAP!  "Knock off the superior attitude, no woman finds number twenty-seven attractive."

            "I was doing number twenty-seven?"

            Washu nodded.  "And you almost pulled a number nine halfway through… be glad you didn't because I'd be beating you senseless if you had.  Now for your assignment, I recommend using number sixteen as accompaniment to an IWW."

            Heero raised his hand.  "What's an IWW?"

            "Only the most important form of apology to use when dealing with a woman!  In fact, I would never recommend using anything _other_ than an IWW.  There is just no other effective method."

            "But what does it mean?"

            "Oi.  Repeat after me class, 'I was wrong'."

            The pilots shrugged and complied.  "I was wrong."

            "Very good.  An IWW smoothes over more disagreements than you could imagine before trying it yourself.  In fact, I'm assigning some extra homework today.  I want each one of you to use an IWW today, and write a report describing the situation and result.  That will be due tomorrow."

            "What if we have no reason to use an apology?" Quatre asked timidly.

            "When dealing with girlfriends, there is a reason to use an IWW every twenty-four hours of your life.  Get used to it, it's the truth." She sat on top of her desk and kicked her legs, stick resting in her lap.  "Please share your plans for the day with the class, Barton."

            Trowa seemed suddenly stiff and self-conscious.  "You're not going to like it."

            "If it's conductive towards your A, I'll understand."

            "Alright then.  My plan is to obliterate Tenchi's birthday."

            Washu and the rest of the class stared at Trowa dryly.  "Why again?"

            Trowa sighed and looked downcast.  "Because if I don't, Ryoko's going to spend all day with Tenchi, and I simply do not have time to lose.  Tenchi is in my way, and although he's never done anything against me, he will suffer the consequences."

            "That's ah… very ruthless, Barton." Washu sweatdropped and got off of the desk.  "Nothing too brutal, I hope?"

            "I'll do what I have to."

            "I see.  That brings up an interesting subject.  Dealing with rivals is a difficult situation, but true love often requires a test of your devotion.  I'm afraid Tenchi has a lot of advantages over you, Barton.  In that case, the best course of action would be to do your best to outclass your opponent and keep the attention off of him as much as possible."

            "My intention exactly."

            "Well," Washu shrugged.  "Good luck with that.  Since it's Ryoko we're talking about, you're going to have to find out how to impress her sense of adventure.  The only thing you've got on Tenchi is that you're _willing_."

            Trowa turned a tinge pink.  "You mean I'm _forced_."

            The schoolteacher grinned patiently.  "You could say that.  I'd call it _available_, but whatever.  If you're going to succeed, you will _have_ to convince Ryoko that it's worth her time… and she likes having a _wild_ time.  Take note."

            Trowa just started doing his classic 'I don't care' expression.

            "Okay Winner, let's hear your schedule."

            "Well… how about a picnic?" Quatre said hopefully.

            Washu sighed.  "How about something a little less grade school?  I think you've lost sight of your goals.  You're shooting for _romance_, not cutesy dates.  I think you should throw all ideas of picnics, and bowling alleys, and movies out the window… unless it's a drive-in movie of course.  Do you understand me?"

            "Yes, ma'am…"

            "So what's your new plan?"

            "Should I take Mihoshi to the symphony?"

            WHAP!  "NO!  You haven't been paying proper attention!  Mihoshi already _likes_ you, so you don't have to bother with all this first-date crap anymore!  You need to buy a bottle of wine and get a hotel room." Washu seethed.

            "I can't do _that_!  It isn't _right_!"

            WHAP!  "Why not!?"

            "Because I'm doing it for selfish reasons!" Quatre proclaimed.

            WHAP!  "Aren't _all_ men?  _This_ is your ticket home, blondie.  If you have a _real_ problem, let me know about it, but these excuses don't pay the dimensional gate fare."

            Quatre visibly sulked.

            "_You_ have two assignments due tomorrow.  The IWW report, _and_ I want to see a big smile on Mihoshi's face over the next breakfast."

            "I'm not doing it."

            "Then I'm _flunking_ you, and you can forget the hotel in your search for a new residence in this dimension.  You do what I say, got it?"

            Quatre visibly sulked more intensely.

            "Good." Washu flexed the well-used stick.  "Wufei, what do you have to share?"

            "I have no plans."

            WHAP!  "I already knew that, but you get WHAPPED anyway!  Why don't you have plans?"

            Wufei growled.  "Because I don't want to do this assignment, and even if I _did_, there's nobody for me to do this assignment _on_."

            "You're complaining because the girls are already taken?"

            "Kind of."

            Washu chuckled with little amusement.  "Ryoko and Ayeka were already spoken for, but you don't hear _their_ admirers complaining!  You might have a little competition on your hands, but I thought you excelled under conditions like that?  I thought you were a fighter?"

            "Maybe in the war, but not under these flimsy motivations."

            WHAP!  "Don't argue with your teacher.  I'm going to assign you a field trip to get you on the right track.  If it's not completed by tomorrow, you flunk."

            "I could strangle-"

            WHAP!  "You have to _go_ hither and initiate _conversation_ with one of the girls, and then you have to be _polite_!  I know it's a big step for you, but I insist.  You're also going to have to find a way to bring back proof."

            Wufei grumbled evilly.

            "Alright!  That straightens out your schedules for the day.  I hope you're all terribly aware that your time limit is over half gone, and you still have a long ways to go.  I suggest you all scamper off and see to your challenges of the day.  I expect great deeds.  Class dismissed."


	11. Chapter 11

            "Happy birthday breakfast, Tenchi!" Sasami cooed, bearing a hot dish of something colorful with oven mitts on.  "Your favorite!"

            "Thanks, Sasami!" Tenchi said pleasantly.

            Despite the occasion, there were many suspicious glances traded across the breakfast table.  As typical, Ayeka and Ryoko were eyeing each other with expressions ranging from dislike to disgust, and occasional face making or mumbled insults were thrown between them.

            When she had a spare moment from intimidating the Jurain princess, Ryoko would fling awkward half-grins at Trowa.  Keep in mind that half-grins could also be called half-frowns, so the purpose and meaning of the exchange was hard to determine.  For Trowa's part, he acknowledged the attention, but maintained that static disposition.

            Duo was trying out number sixteen on Kiyone, and she was buying into it slowly.  Her disappointed looks were melting into a more understanding pout.  Encouraged by this reaction, Duo was branching out into number twenty-two, which needs Washu's diagram to properly explain.  Duo was very proficient at number twenty-two.

            Quatre and Mihoshi were taking turns talking and then blushing for no apparent reason.  Washu made her disapproval known, shaking her head at the childish flirting.

            Wufei had spent the first few minutes of breakfast trying to scrape Ryo-Ohki off of his shoulder, but he only succeeded in relocating her to sit on top of his head.  She purred happily from there and resembled a poorly chosen hat.  Why Wufei allowed that at all was a great mystery, but everybody at the table knew better than to bring it up.

            Heero was busy trying to figure out what kind of present would be best for Ayeka, but she was dropping no clues, no hints, no suggestions.  In fact, she hardly seemed to want to look his way, except to ask to pass the blue stuff that Sasami had cooked up.

            Half way through breakfast, Trowa excused himself with a suspicious, "I have something to do."  Ryoko watched him leave with more interest than she meant to give.

            "What is it, Ryoko?" Ayeka noticed the lingering glance.  "Did you scare off another one?"

            "Hardly." Ryoko snorted in an unfeminine way.  "He's got a thing for me.  Who can blame him?"

            Ayeka made a delicately distasteful grimace.  "Oh.  Is _that_ what's going on.  Tenchi, do you know that Ryoko's having an affair?"

            Tenchi was clearly wondering how this line of discussion was going to blow up in his face.  Any discussion involving Ayeka and Ryoko was bound to explode.  "No, I didn't."

            Ryoko was about to declare the falsity in Ayeka's statement when a devious realization crept forth.  "Are you jealous, Tenchi?"

            "Huh?" Tenchi did that freak out thing he does.  "You can do what you want, Ryoko."

            "I always do." The space pirate folded her arms sulkily.  Tenchi could be one tough customer sometimes.

            Ayeka set down her chopsticks primly and pushed her sleeves back down.  "You mean you _are_ having an affair?  That is _so_ immoral!"

            "Awh, shut your pie hole, Princess, I've got nothing to be ashamed of."

            Quatre couldn't stand it anymore.  "Where _was_ Trowa last night?"

            Ryoko turned deep red and turned to Tenchi.  "I swear Tenchi, I'm devoted to you, but this other guy doesn't know when to quit!  He literally camped out in my room last night, and didn't even _bother_ to ask my permission!  Can you believe it!?"

            Ayeka's lip twitched somewhere between scandal and delight.  "_I_ can believe it.  Really, keeping strange men in your room… tsk, tsk."

            "I _told_ you, it wasn't _my_ idea!!"

            "You can't trick me!  It's _always_ your idea!  You never think of anything else!"

            "_Maybe_, but when I _am_ thinking about it, it's Tenchi!!"

            Tenchi gulped, and looked long-suffering.

            Ayeka pushed her sleeves up again, but in preparation for something other than eating.  "You _dare_ defile dear Tenchi with your wicked fantasies?!"

            Duo stopped chewing with a mouthful of something orange bulging his cheeks.

            Ryoko snarled.  "At least I _know_ how to have a good time, Miss Frigid.  Speaking of good times, happy birthday, Tenchi!" She ended the sentence with a suggestively arched eyebrow.

            "Uh… thanks…" Tenchi swallowed again.

            "_Frigid_!?" Ayeka balled her fists.  "I am… _not_!  How _dare_ you!  Any gentleman would describe me as positively passionate!"

            "Positively pathetic…" Ryoko muttered, leaning her face against an arm that was propped up on the table.  "Ayeka, you wouldn't know what to do with a fantasy if it whipped you upside the head with a cat of nine tails."

            Still with the orange stuff unswallowed in his mouth, Duo started forgetting to breathe.

            "There are _children_ at the table!" Ayeka clapped her hands around Sasami's ears and then _really_ cut loose.  "You can save your smut for your immoral rendezvous, you… you… indiscriminate harlot!"

            "Skank." Ryoko shot back.

            "Riffraff!"

            "Cow!"

            Duo suddenly realized he hadn't taken a breath for quite some time.  He choked on the orange stuff and ended up depositing some of it into his napkin before being capable of speech again.  "Happy birthday, Tenchi."

            Tenchi raised his chopsticks in recognition of the salutation, but didn't say anything.

            "Filthy, prostituting, primal hag!" Ayeka barked.  "Ahaahah!  Beat that!"

            "Oh yeah?" Ryoko nodded in acceptance of the challenge.  "Tenchi doesn't think so." She reached over and got both hands gripped behind Tenchi's neck.

            "I'm eating!" Tenchi despaired, dropping his chopsticks into something green.

            The space pirate didn't particularly care.  She, Tenchi, and Tenchi's chair all fell over backwards as she kissed him forcefully.

            Ayeka removed her hands from Sasami's ears and covered her little sister's eyes instead.

            Duo choked.

            "Is this… normal?" Quatre tried not to look.

            "Well… yeah." Mihoshi said innocently.  "It only lasts a minute."

            There was a scuffling heard on the floor, and Tenchi was standing again looking bruised.  Ryoko floated up as well, dusting off her hands as though she had accomplished something highly impressive.  They both reclaimed their seats and resumed breakfast, although Tenchi had a look in his eye like an abused pet.

            "Well?" Ayeka released Sasami altogether.  "Send her away, Tenchi!  She's acting positively indecent!"

            "You know, I'll think it over after my head recovers." Tenchi replied.

            "You hurt him!" Ayeka gasped.  "Tenchi, where does it hurt?"

            Ryoko rolled her eyes.  "It only hurts when you _talk_."

            "Silence, cretin!  Has this wretch injured you, Tenchi?" Ayeka hovered.

            "It's alright, really." Tenchi insisted as the princess attempted to treat him.  "It's not nearly so bad as the last time."

            Heero watched all this with calculating interest.  Upon witnessing Ayeka determinedly tying bandages around Tenchi's head – despite his wails that it would prevent him from eating – Heero confirmed the existence of a previously unknown 'mode.'  What women found attractive in pulverized men was hard to say, but the proof was undeniable.

            BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

            "What was that?" Sasami whimpered.

            "Mmmf mmf!" Tenchi tried to speak, but Ayeka's tightly bound bandaged prevented him.

            "It was the Shrine!" Mihoshi said.  "Something's happened at the Shrine!"

***

            "What a _mess_!" Tenchi had managed to pry the bindings off of his face and was examining what looked like a minor rockslide at the Shrine.  "This is going to take hours to clean up."

            "And on your birthday!" Sasami said sympathetically.  "How did it happen?"

            "Gee, I _wonder_?" Washu said sarcastically.  "Well Tenchi, it looks like the party plans I had for you will just have to wait.  It's going to take some effort, but no worries.  You were always _so_ good at physical labor." She took on a completely insinuating expression.

            "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Ayeka and Ryoko both addressed the little scientist.

            "Oh, nothing." Washu said confidently.  "The boy's just so good with his hands."

            "What!?"

            "What?  He really puts his back into it.  Somebody get him a shovel!"

            Ayeka and Ryoko took a moment to steam, convinced that Washu had been implying something, but she was too quick for them.

            "Here." Heero handed a conveniently placed shovel to poor Tenchi.  "Happy birthday."

            "Now?" Tenchi accepted the shovel.  "All by myself?"

            "It's your job." Washu clapped him on the back encouragingly.  "And this Shrine is a sacred place that should be cleaned as soon as possible.  Enjoy yourself Tenchi; I know how you like engaging in masculine exercises sometimes."

            "WASHU!!!!!" Ayeka and Ryoko roared as a single unit.

            "That _was_ going a bit too far, wasn't it?" The pink-haired woman chuckled somewhat maniacally.  "But you don't mind, do you Tenchi?"

            "Well…" Apparently he hadn't caught any of the double-talk.

            "Fantastic!  We'll see you after you've cleaned the place up, then.  If you start to build up a sweat, you can always come get me and-"

            "WASHU!!!!!!!!!"

            "What?  I was going to say I have some experimental lemonade whipped up!  Geez, get your minds out of the gutter!"

***

            "Hey." Duo caught up with Kiyone after everybody had returned to the house… man this was a big house.  "Hey, Kiyone."

            "Hey." She said, leaning up against a wall.  "What do you want?"

            "I just wanted to say," Duo prepared himself.  "I was _wrong_, babe!"

            "Huh?"

            "I shouldn't have made that stuff up last night.  You were right, and _I_ was _wrong_!"

            Kiyone looked surprised, but the surprise quickly changed to acceptance.  "Well, thank you.  I accept your apology."

            'Hell, it worked!' Duo thought to himself in shock.  'Who would have thought?'  "Great!  You wanna go do something then?"

            "Like what?" She shrugged in that trademark 'neutral girl' fashion.

            "Something fun." Duo snapped his fingers.  "I've got it!  I'll be right back."

            Kiyone grinned, obviously relieved to not be fighting anymore (those IIWs work like charms).  "Don't take too long."

            "Nah, don't worry." Duo marched down one of Tenchi's hallways, searching for the lab that Washu had continually reminded them was down here somewhere.  On the way he first noticed a mysterious door that had a faint smell of chlorine wafting from it, and then…

            "Trowa!  Where've you been?"

            "I'm looking for Ryoko." Trowa answered curtly.  "Have you seen her?"

            "Yeah, we all just came back from the Shrine.  Oh yeah, you missed it!  There was a rockslide down there, and Tenchi has a huge mess to clean up!"

            Trowa didn't look educated by the news.

            "Or _did_ you miss it?" Duo gasped.  "_You_ caused that rockslide, didn't you?"

            "Which way is Ryoko?"

            "Why you little demolisher!  Why didn't _I_ think of that?  Well good job, man, we've got the girls to ourselves for a while now!  Great thinking!"

            "Whatever." Trowa said quietly.

            "And now you're looking for your demon-woman?  Getting awfully familiar with her, eh?" Duo got that ridiculous grin on his face.  "We all heard about your exploits over breakfast!"

            "What?" Trowa blinked.  "Did she say something?"

            "Didn't even ask for permission…" Duo leaned his back onto the wall and folded his arms, looking animated.  "I guess that's just like you.  Act first, ask permission later."

            Trowa looked downward, trying to remember.  "I could have sworn I asked her to scoot over…"

            "And did she do it?" The braided pilot asked almost psychotically.  "I guess they all become submissive once you get 'em in the sack, huh?  Even high-energy women like Ryoko?"

            Trowa's face darkened.  "You have got a _one_ track mind…" And he proceeded down the hall.

            "What?" Duo folded his arms behind his head and looked at the ceiling.  "You'd think the guy would be happier, or something."

            Considering the mysterious, chlorine scented door one last time, Duo continued his quest for the mad-scientist's lab.


	12. Chapter 12

"Quatre, I need you." Heero approached the blonde as though he were pedaling illegal goods or something.

"What for?" Quatre glanced around the front porch, but there was nobody else out to enjoy the spring day.

"You need to beat me up." Heero demanded. "I have discovered a secret mode that women only employ in the midst of injured men."

Quatre glanced sidelong at Heero. "You want me to injure you?"

"Yes. As soon as possible. Before Masaki finishes his chore."

"What, like with my fists or something?" Quatre finished the sentence open-mouthed.

"We can get you some kind of club if you want it." Heero said sincerely. "I'd be happy to return the favor later."

"Heh, no thanks. I don't agree that violence appeals to girls, and I definitely don't want to get beat up by _you_ later."

Heero couldn't let the opportunity slip. "I insist. There's no time, we need to start _now_."

"But, Heero…"

"_Now_. This is going to work, trust me."

Quatre sighed heavily. "Violence never wins anything…"

"_Now_. Start yelling at me so we can get their attention." Heero led Quatre into a spacious area of the yard, and looked expectant.

"I can't believe this." Quatre wailed. "What are we supposed to be yelling at each other about?"

"Pretend you insulted the Jurain royal line." Heero suggested.

"You know, Heero, I just can't do this. It's not in my nature." Quatre was going to make a retreat, but the perfect soldier had other plans for him.

"How dare you say such a thing about the Jurain royal line?!" Heero called rather loudly, charging Quatre with a seeming attempt to kill.

"Heero, nooooo!" The last thing Quatre remembered was flying over Heero's shoulder and landing hard on a paving stone. He could vaguely hear Heero muttering as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"That was _not_ the plan…"

"Quatre!" A high-pitched voice chirped. "Quatre! Oh, Quatre!"

Quatre could feel the ache in his head, and some water dripping on his face. The world felt like it was moving, and there was somebody breathing close by. He opened his eyes.

"Quatre!?" Mihoshi leaned even closer as though she had to get a better perspective of his open eyes. She practically went nose-to-nose with him. "You're okay!"

"What… happened?"

"You and Heero were practicing your super-hero skills, remember? Don't you remember?" Mishoshi panicked. "You don't have amnesia, do you!?"

Quatre tried to shake his head, but she had him by the shoulders and was shaking him before he could move a muscle.

"Your name's Quatre Raberba Winner, and I'm Mihoshi and we're… close friends!"

"I know!" He said, gritting his teeth against the violent shaking. "I don't have amnesia!"

"Are you sure!?" Mihoshi dropped him with a thud. "How many fingers am I holding up?" She held up five.

"What does that have to do with amnesia?"

"We have to make _sure_! Now that we were _just_ getting to know each other, I wouldn't want you to forget it all!"

Quatre sat up and wiped his face. "Were you _crying_ on me? My face is wet…"

"Maybe." Mihoshi looked embarrassed. "I think I kissed you a few times, too."

"_Why_!? I was knocked cold!"

"I don't know… I was worried…"

"Well… where'd Heero go?" Quatre looked around with a paranoid expression.

Mihoshi sat tall on her knees and put her fists on her hips. "He just came into the kitchen calm as you can imagine and told me you were out here with injuries! He hasn't been back to check on you!"

"Oh. Well, I think I'm alright now, anyway."

The couple just sat on the grass for a few silent minutes and listened to the outdoor sounds. It really was more colorful here than in the gundam 'verse like the Tenchi crew had claimed.

Mihoshi finally gave a long exhale. "Do you want to have a picnic?"

"Sure. Want to go see the symphony afterwards?"

"Why can't we see the real one?"

"Huh?" Quatre was stumped by her response.

"Well isn't the sym-_real_ better than the sym-_phony_?" She looked puzzled, too.

The gundam pilot realized the mistake and laughed. "Mihoshi, if you'd rather go to the sym-real, I'd love to be the one to take you."

"Even though I don't know exactly what it is, that is so sweet…"

"You want a _what_?!"

"I'm askin' for a motorcycle." Duo said vivaciously. "Guys with motorcycles score; it's a scientifically proven fact."

Washu rubbed her pink hair. "Scientific, huh?"

The lab was overflowing with bubbling beakers, sparking wires, and the occasional dimly lit experiment that looked like it was designed to eat anybody who ventured too close to their little dark corners. Duo liked the place.

"Oh yeah, it's _proven_! I mean, have _you_ ever heard of a guy with a bike that _doesn't_ score chicks everywhere he goes?" Duo insisted.

"It _does_ sound like a reasonable variable in the dating equation. I like flashy pieces of machinery myself…"

"So what do you say?"

"Well…" Washu threw some oversized goggles over her eyes and started blinking with magnified eyes at a trio of amoebas. "You haven't exactly been the teacher's pet, Duo."

Duo slumped. "How am I supposed to become the teacher's pet?"

Washu poked one of the amoebas none too gently with a tongue depressor. "Teachers love the aspiring student. Somebody with excellent extra-curricular activities under their belt."

"Great." Duo nodded enthusiastically. "What's it mean?"

"Well, since I'm such a well-rounded instructor, I'd say you have a few choices of things to impress me with." The tongue depressor caught fire for no apparent reason and the amoebas burnt up with a tiny screech. Duo found it cool.

"Lay it on me, Teach."

Washu removed the oversized goggles and shook out her hair. "My, you _are_ a fast study! Is that your choice, then?"

Before he could have understood what was happening, Duo had a 'little-scientist' in his arms. "Huh?!"

"I think it's very _responsible_ of you to be practicing outside of your assignment, Duo." Washu backed the Shinigami up slowly. "I think a student with your 'ambitions' might easily become my favorite."

"Wait a minute!" Duo tried to dig his heels in, but the lab's floor was slippery. "What'd I choose!? What was the _other_ choice!?"

Washu really looked evil at the moment, but she was balancing in some sultriness as well. "You chose to practice your woman-charming skills on me! Very admirable."

"I never said that! What's the other choice!?"

"Well," She stopped shoving him for a minute and looked over her shoulder at the sizzling remnants of her amoebas. "I _just_ ran out of test subjects, and I'd be impressed if you volunteered to-"

"Uh… no." Duo cringed. "How exactly do you want me to charm you?"

"With number twenty-two or something. I've got a padded examination table right back here."

"You _are_ aware there's nothing inviting about an examination table, right?"

"You've never played doctor, then?"

Duo sweatdropped. "You want to play _doctor_!?"

"Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of 'mad scientist and helpless experiment.' Want to give it a go?"

"I'm not so sure about this…"

Washu had edged him back to the table. "What's the matter? Don't you want your motorcycle?"

"This is bribery!"

"No, this is seduction. It's part of your syllabus, and you'd be improving your GPA by paying attention."

"Um…"

"Call me Little Washu."

"What!?"

"Do it."

'Crap.' Duo checked for an exit, but they weren't obvious. The lab seemed to twist in on itself, and those menacing experiments were looking even more menacing all of a sudden. It was still cool, though. "Okay… Little Washu…"

This title seemed to delight Washu. She gave Duo a rough push onto the table, pinning him by the shoulders and climbing onto the table herself to kneel over the panicky pilot.

"Hang on!" Duo remembered wishing for something interesting to do a few days ago. He had not had this in mind.

"To what?" Washu grinned, squeezing her prisoner's shoulders.

"I mean _wait_! Maybe I don't need a motorcycle! Maybe you've got a mo-ped or something instead?"

Washu descended and kissed him in response.

"Um… okay." Duo said when he got the chance. "I'll settle for a scooter."

"Scooters are expensive…"

"It doesn't even need to have an engine. What about a skateboard!?"

"I _do_ have a motorcycle, Duo." Washu said. "It's free to the teacher's pet."

"Well, I sure do feel like a pet all of a sudden…"

"Is this the way you're going to charm Kiyone tonight? Somehow, I don't think she's going to be very impressed."

Duo was uncomfortably aware of Washu's breath on his face, her fingers digging into his shoulders, and her knees pressing into both of his sides.

"Or did you have a different plan for love between the two of you? Maybe something a little more… consensual?"

Duo turned this last word over in his mind a moment. "Oh, I get it."

"You _do_?"

"You think I'm too pushy and you wanted me to see what it feels like to be pressured. Am I right?" He silently prayed that he _was_ right.

"Duo!" Washu brightened, and shifted her weight so her fingertips were playing along his cheekbones. "You are a _clever_ student when you're in a… tight spot."

"Well, I get the lesson, all right? You're done… _right_?"

Washu sighed deeply. "It's so satisfying to see the education getting through… especially with gifted students like you."

"Uh… can you get off now?"

Washu raised an eyebrow. "I thought you'd learned your lesson?"

"I mean… would you get _down_?" Duo corrected himself almost urgently.

She nodded knowingly. "It's funny how you never asked if there was another option _besides_ becoming one of my new test subjects. I definitely qualify you as a teacher's pet if you can demonstrate such rapid academic improvement."

"So I get the bike?"

"Duo, Duo," Washu still hadn't really moved. She was running a finger along the bridge of the pilot's nose. "Not only do you get the bike, you get _THE_ bike, if you know what I mean. There's not another one like it in the universe, I've seen to _that_!"

"Sounds cool…" He went cross-eyed watching her trailing fingertip.

"I'm such a genius. Don't you think so?"

"If I agree, are you going to get all excited again?"

"Again?"

"Like when I called you Little Washu before? Oh crap…"

Her eyes lit at the sound of the name and she started in with the extremist kissing again.

"What kept you?" Kiyone asked sweetly, watching TV with Sasami.

Duo looked roughed up since she had last seen him, and he had a traumatized glint in his eye. "Have I ever told you how much I respect you?" He said with wide eyes.

Kiyone shook her head and smirked. "No, I don't think so."

"Well I _do_." He said forcefully. "Like, if you were to say 'no' or something, I would _totally_ understand and leave it at that."

"That's good to know." She pursed her lips. "But you _made_ me dance last night, and I do recall saying no."

"I'm reformed." Duo said plainly, offering her his arm. "Shall we go? I've got a motorcycle that'll make your eyes pop out!"

She took the arm. "To this, I say yes. See you later, Sasami."

"Bye, you two!"

Heero still couldn't believe Quatre _stole_ his idea! It was the deal that _Heero_ would get injured, but that selfish Quatre went and practically broke his head open. It was shameless. Now, Heero had to find an alternate means of activating the newly discovered 'mode.' He didn't feel it would have quite the same effect if he accidentally fell down a flight of stairs or had another solitaire accident. No, he needed an accomplice.

He also couldn't rule out the gift idea. If only he knew what would make Ayeka 'resonate' the way Washu had mentioned. And there was no way _to_ know unless… unless… a covert operation! Yes, that was the ticket.

Heero immediately delved into his 'stealth mode,' sidled up against a wall and started tiptoeing through the expanse of Tenchi's home in search of Miss Jurai's quarters. They were bound to contain important indications of Ayeka's gift preferences.

He made his secret progress and came across a door that was doubtless shared by the princesses. Doubtless due to the large sign hung on it with fancy script spelling: "Stay Out! Ryoko, this means you!" And in smaller, more delicate writing: "But Tenchi is always welcome."

He opened the door.

An overwhelming bombardment of pink, purple, and perfumed scents overwhelmed his senses, but he quickly adapted, shutting the door quietly behind him. Now what was important?

Some of Sasami's stuffed toys were arranged on her bedspread looking cute and fuzzy. Heero wasn't a fan of cute and fuzzy, so he pretended they weren't there. Ayeka's twin bed didn't have any stuffed toys, but there were many overstuffed pillows.

"Well, she doesn't need any more pillows." Heero decided.

His eyes roamed from the beds to the nightstands… and struck _gold_! There, on Ayeka's nightstand, was an old fashioned diary with a lock. If that didn't hold the answers to Heero's dilemma, he didn't know what did. So where's the key? Where would a princess hide the key?

After a brief search of the premises, Heero had not found it, so he resorted to using a bobby pin to pick the lock. It opened. What do you expect; he's Heero!

Grinning, he flipped to a relevant date and began to read.

Dear Diary. Today, Mihoshi became very upset because the Gundam Wing television show is being taken off the air. It was fun while it lasted, but the gundam pilots are not really choice people for women of royal standards to associate with. It is a good thing that I was able to learn that from the program. To think I once had found myself _flirting_ with that Heero Yuy! Reprehensible! On a side note Diary, Tenchi was being especially wonderful today.

"Hm." Heero turned the page. "Reprehensible… doesn't sound good."

Dear Diary. Of all the preposterous things to do! Washu has _summoned_ the actual gundam pilots to stay here… in _Tenchi's_ abode! She didn't even ask permission! Not even from the pilots. Regardless, they are here, so I will have to do my best to be receptive. I hope they leave soon so I can spend more time alone with Tenchi.

"Her best to be receptive?" He moved on to a different entry. "I thought she was _trying_ to make us feel unwelcome…"

Dear Diary: We went out on the town today. I sang at the karaoke bar, and I think Tenchi liked it. Maybe I should sing for him again? Ryoko was being a snot (forgive the unprincessy terminology, Diary, but this is the only place I can vent my woes) as usual. She was terrible; definitely the worst singer. Duo was bad, too. Heero was actually pretty good, but I hate him.

"She must have written that _after_ the poem."

Dear Diary: I'm beginning to think there is a conspiracy. Washu treated us all to a ball tonight, without any notice. She used her technology to dress us all formally, and to my everlasting shame, I was wearing a completely inappropriate red dress that I am too embarrassed to even describe here, in my impenetrable diary! I got to dance with Tenchi at the end of the night, but not after Heero _begged_ me to dance with him. He is a good dancer, but I don't like him.

"Well that's an improvement from _hating_ me." He read on.

I'm wondering what exactly he wants from me. Could he be after the ancient royal secrets? Somehow I don't think so. I wish Tenchi would protect me… how I love Tenchi.

"Hmm…" Heero closed the book shut. "Mission Accepted." He started pacing across the plush room. "She liked singing, and she liked the dancing. She hated the poem, but I already knew that. So does this mean she likes…"

The doorknob began to twist.

Sasami entered her bedroom and stretched in relaxation. She sat on her bed and picked up two of the stuffed toys. "How are you?" She addressed them cheerfully. "Fine Sasami, how are you?" She spoke for the toys in response. "Fine, thanks. Would you two like to play?" "Oh yes, Sasami, let's have a _tea_ party!" "Okay!"

In all of Heero's covert missions he had _never_ witnessed a tea party from the vantage point of hiding under a bed. Tea parties aren't really everything they're hyped up to be…


	13. Chapter 13

"Ryoko." Trowa grabbed her arm a little more roughly than he probably had to. "I want to talk to you."

"I'm busy!" Ryoko purred. "How'd you find me up here?"

The roof was comfortably warm that day. Ryoko was using it as a vantage point to spy on Tenchi fixing up the Shrine. It had taken Trowa almost an hour to figure out she was up there.

"What did everybody talk about at breakfast after I left?" Trowa sat down next to her, but couldn't make out Tenchi. Maybe her eyes were better.

"Same old stuff." She shrugged. "Oh, but something interesting _did_ happen, now that you mention it!" Her eyes flashed.

"What?"

"Tenchi _kissed_ me!" Ryoko sighed. "It was wonderful."

"Whatever. Did you talk about what happened last night?"

"I didn't kiss Tenchi last night… shame, really."

"I mean what happened with _us_. Did you mention something?" Trowa couldn't understand the way women got stuck on one topic during a conversation.

"Oh, _that_?" She finally looked at him. "Yeah, I might have _mentioned_ it."

"What did you say?"

"What difference does it make? Nothing _interesting_ happened."

Trowa felt like grumbling, but held back. "You _do_ realize that everybody's under the impression that you and I…" Quatre wasn't the only one having a hard time with some of this. "Well, it's _understandable_, and you're not helping the situation."

Ryoko laughed out loud. "Stop stressing, flyboy, when something _worth_ talking about over the breakfast table happens, you'll be the first one I let know."

Trowa frowned. "I was hoping to keep everything quiet. I like keeping things quiet."

"I can't stand quiet people." She said harshly, gazing out towards the shrine again. "I prefer people who-"

"Know how to have a wild time." He finished the sentence for her.

"Yeah."

The rooftop fell into silence, and Trowa evaluated that silence as failure. She _just_ said she didn't like quiet people. What was it she had liked about him before?

"You know, Ryoko, I was wrong." Trowa said carefully. "Before. I was wrong."

"Is that right?"

"I shouldn't have brushed you off when you were in my dimension. That was a mistake."

She actually seemed to blush a little. "Yeah, that was pretty stupid, wasn't it? You had your chance and blew it. Why do guys do that, anyway?"

"I don't know. Maybe they don't know how to relax?" He hoped that was the right thing to say. He didn't have a whole lot of practice with saying much at all, let alone the _right_ thing.

"Do you think _Tenchi_ doesn't know how to relax?"

"Maybe. I don't really… know about these things."

"Hm." She looked perplexed. "Well, at _least_ you know you were wrong. I _tried_ to tell you!"

She probably had. Well, there was one more attempt to make. "Can I just come out and _ask_ for a second chance?"

The demon-woman responded to that. She completely turned to face Trowa. "Do you not notice I _love_ Tenchi? It's pretty damn obvious, Spikey."

Great. Wonderful dilemma. Is this just going to end with her insisting that she's not interested? A few of the most recent things spoken to Trowa seemed to pop into his head all at once.

_ "That's just like you," Duo had chuckled. "Act first; ask permission later."_

_ "Ryoko," Washu had kind of shook her head as though it were a lost cause. "Well, she likes having a wild time. The only thing you've got on Tenchi is that you're willing."_

Act first; ask later. Be willing. Act first; ask later. Be willing.

"You can tell everybody at the breakfast table about _this_." Trowa practically commanded.

"About what? A little chat on the top of the hou-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence. Trowa purposefully put his hands behind her head and drew her in to kiss her. In retrospect, that was a scary thing to do considering she has hand-blast capabilities, but what other choice was there at that point?

"And now," Trowa concluded the kiss and spoke insistently. "I'm going to ask for a _third_ chance, and if you'd let me kiss you."

"You already did…" Ryoko gazed, confused. "Why are you asking now?"

"Because I want you to say yes."

She had a blank look on her face for a moment, but that was replaced with amusement in no time. "You need to give Tenchi lessons! I've never met anybody like _you_."

"Are you going to say yes?"

"Well… seeing as you've already gone and done it, then _yes_, you have my permission."

"How about that third chance?" This was going surprisingly well. The IWW definitely had helped set it up.

"I don't know, Trowa. I _love_ Tench-"

He repeated the kiss, and this time, her hands seemed to levitate to his face.

"You didn't ask me first…" It was hard to tell if she sounded a little bit angry or not. Maybe that's just the way she _always_ sounded.

"I'll ask later."

She mentally shrugged. At least it was more fun than watching the cloud of dust that had recently obscured her view of Tenchi. How _had_ that happened to the Shrine, anyway? It was almost like a bomb had gone off down there.

In the distraction of trying to figure out exactly what had caused the explosion, she forgot the slant of the roof, which was not especially dangerous for somebody who can levitate, but _is_ rather unfortunate for the non-levitating person that just so happened to have his arms around her at the time.

After slipping off the roof, there was time for a muffled sound of surprise, twin crashes into some bushes before the hollow thud against the ground. Ryoko mentally shrugged again, watching in fascination as Trowa's eyes spun around in psychedelic swirls. "Oh well…"

---

"Hey, _you_!" Wufei stormed into the living room, a mission to accomplish.

"Yes?" Ayeka responded, looking up from a book she was reading. "What is it?"

"I have a disposable camera!" Wufei exclaimed, looking triumphant.

Ayeka returned her gaze to the book. "That's very nice, Wufei, but I was just getting to the part where they kiss! It's so romantic…"

"What kind of book is _that_?"

"It's a romance novel."

"They waste _paper_ on fluff like that?"

She looked up, slightly cross. "It's not a waste. I enjoy reading them, so if you wouldn't mind refraining from poking fun?"

"Well, I was going to ask you if I could get my picture with you." He mumbled, kicking at the floor.

"Hm? No, I'm afraid not."

"Why not!?"

"I'm having a bad hair day!" She explained, pointing to hair that looked exactly the same as it did every other day.

"But I need the proof _today_! That is," Wufei cleared his throat. "I need the _photo_ today."

"What ever for? That seems silly."

"For… my…" Quick, think of something that women approve of. Hurry! "Scrapbook?"

Ayeka shut the book and set it aside. "Let me make sure I heard that right. _You_ have a _scrapbook_?"

"I like to… scrap?" Wufei cursed himself for ending every sentence as a question.

"Well, I never would have guessed, Wufei! I'll give you one of my old photos, okay?"

"I need one with me in it, too."

"I can understand why you want that, but you understand that the world waits for no misplaced strand of hair! Maybe tomorrow?" She reached as though to resume the book.

"Wait woman, what if I took you to get your hair _fixed_… even though there's _nothing_ wrong with it…" He muttered the last bit.

"You want to take me to the salon?" Ayeka said, more high-pitched than usual. "Ahahahah! That _is_ a good one! Now go away, you silly person."

"But…" This stinks. "I was planning to go anyway to get a…" What now? "Pedicure?"

"You can't possibly be serious." And how was it that she was ending her questions as statements? It must have something to do with that royal blood.

"I have an ingrown toenail, woman! What injustice for you to poke fun!"

"Well excuse me, but it seems a bit farfetched. If you're _really_ going to the salon, I will accompany you, but if this is a joke, I'd like to get back to the part where they _kiss_!" She gestured at the book as though it were the kissing couple in the flesh.

"I'm really going. For a…" Wufei groaned. "Pedicure…"

---

"Eat up!" Sasami offered the teddy bear a plastic cookie and proceeded to act out the results of stuffed animal consumption. "Munch, munch, munch. Mmmm. That was good, Sasami! Can I have another one?" Sasami seemed to take much delight in the compliment, despite the fact that it was coming from herself. "Why thank you, of course you can! I made plenty." In the process of feeding 'Teddy' another artificial cookie (which was really the same one again, since the first feeding was only pretend) she seemed to realize her schedule and dropped the cookie right into one of the plastic teacups. "Oh no! I have to get lunch started, or Tenchi's going to come home to no food! And after all that hard work!" She stood up and dusted her knees. "I'm sorry 'Teddy,' I didn't mean to splash your tea on you."

Heero stifled a grumble from beneath the bed. Why wouldn't she just go? Even real tea parties couldn't possibly take this long.

"Let me clean you up!" She grabbed a napkin and started dabbing at the plush's chin, despite the fact that there had been no real beverage involved. "That's much better. I'll be back to wash the dishes in a little bit! Don't forget your manners while I'm gone!"

'Finally,' Heero thought to himself as Sasami delicately shut the bedroom door behind her. He broke cover.

"As I was _saying_!" Heero began pacing the length of the room again, as though it were necessary to keep moving during thought. "The target seems to have had positive responses to both singing and dancing, so logical conclusion would state that she appreciates music." He snapped his fingers. "I will get her a musical gift! Mission accepted!"

---

"Mmmph!" Kiyone's eyes widened, and she spat Duo's braid out of her mouth again. It was the sixth time since they'd started riding the motorcycle that the wind had flung his hair into her face that way, but she was counting herself lucky. Other times, the braid had whipped her in the eye, or ear, or some other place that she feared for lasting damage. "God Duo, you're the only guy I know who's hairstyle doubles as a weapon!"

"Hm?" Duo grinned, maneuvering the wicked looking motorcycle in a direction that he was hoping led to a beach or some other groovy place. "Yeah, I guess so. But I think Trowa would be pretty dangerous at a concert, too."

"Concert?"

"Well," Duo explained animatedly (A/N: does he ever do anything _not_ animated?) which involved taking one hand off steering duty and waving it about for effect. "Just picture it! With a head of hair like _that_, you'd be likely to lose a few limbs if that guy started head banging!"

The mental image came easily, and they both started laughing uproariously. Kiyone laughed so hard that a few tears came to her eyes, but they were snatched away by the wind and speed of their travel.

Unfortunately, Duo was laughing even _harder_ at his own joke, and was using his free hand to stifle the giggles; a disadvantageous method of driving a motorized vehicle if ever there was one.

"Duo! Watch that kitty!" Kiyone said suddenly, pointing a long finger over Duo's shoulder and at a cat. Yes, this is the same cat that is in all the movies, that waits for the _perfect_ moment to leap in front of traffic to innocently lick a fish skeleton, and causes massive incidents of crashing, death, blood, and in extreme cases, war. This cat oughtta be sued, but what are you gonna do? "Duo!"

One must never forget that despite all external appearance, and certain behavioral traits, Duo really is a kick-ass pilot, and that skill extends to all manner of driven forms of transportation. He skillfully leaned the bike to one side, and skidded past the kitty, leaving it unharmed with its fish skeleton.

"Warning… warning…" A mechanized voice crooned from the motorcycle.

Kiyone had her eyes clamped tight, gripping Duo's waist for lack of anything else to hang on to. Aside from her sincere wishes to survive through the incident, she also kind of hoped that kitty would choke on the fish bone.

"Warning…" The bike continued. "Dangerous angle… upcoming road hazard…"

"The bike's talkin'!" Duo was trying to get the bike back under control, and was seriously creeped out by the verbal abilities of his ride. "It's… it's… like a backseat driver!"

"We're still skidding!" Kiyone felt annoyed that the driver was taking time to make jokes instead of fixing the soon-to-be catastrophe that she was dreading. "Focus on the _skidding_, not the _kidding_!"

"Switching to automatic control." The bike decided, as though Duo were not the kick-ass pilot that he really and truly is.

"Hey!?" Duo tried to yank the wheel, but the bike was driving itself at that point. "Don't lock me out!"

"Automatic control activated. Upcoming road hazard."

"What road hazard!?" Duo scanned the road ahead, and noticed the inevitable: a flimsy wooden gate barring the road from a steep drop into a craggy ravine of some such. This is exactly the sort of thing you get when searching for the beach, looking for a good time: craggy ravines. Am I right? "Uh… Kiyone, we sort of have a road hazard coming up! Going down… whatever!"

Kiyone decided to open her eyes and take a look. Sure enough, the cliché windy road was surrounded on all sides by a sudden, plummeting drop. She choked back a cliché scream, because with that, everything would have been too cliché to be endured. "Hasn't some kind of computerized system taken over? Aren't we okay?"

Duo was going to make a quip about how anything programmed by Washu had to be far from safe, but another joke seemed a bit much, and he instead prepared to fly off the cliff… which they did… in slow motion, because Washu's programming was underlying this entire incident.

Duo and Kiyone felt themselves tumbling head over feet across a long stretch of puffy material, and although one might _expect_ a steep drop into a bunch of evil looking crags to be fatal, they were still alive and conscious when they stopped rolling.

"Where are we?" Kiyone exclaimed immediately, always one to get down to business. "What happened?"

"More importantly," Duo responded, always one to point out the bizarre. "Why is the sky purple, and what'd we land on?"


End file.
